 This past weekend while I was trying to put my 19-month-old son to sleep unsuccessfully, I started thinking about how easy it was to get upset and be in a bad mood. I was looking down on him and decided to focus on the good things that were happening in my life. A lot is going on in our lives that can make us feel frustrated if we focus on them. If you feel the weight of life on your shoulders, you are not alone. One thing we can control is our mindset. Sometimes, we need to actively remind ourselves of the good that is happening in our lives.
In this blog post, we will ask ourselves ten questions that will help us adjust our perspective and focus on the positive things in our lives. #1: What was the last thing that made you smile? Think back on the happy feelings you feel when someone does something nice for you or has a great experience. As I write this post, I am smiling at the things in my life that have made me happy recently. One realization that I had is that with a child, many cute moments make us smile. #2: What was a recent compliment someone gave you? Although I believe that we should not base our happiness on what others say to us, I do value the external perspective that people can give you by recognizing a great thing that you have done. #3: How have the people in your life contributed positively to you? The people that we surround ourselves with play a vital role. I feel very blessed to have great people in my life who have added significant value. My family and friends are a crucial part of my journey, and they make me feel supported. The amazing people in my life are a gift in many ways. I am grateful that I have great people who are my life companions. #4: What was one recent accomplishment at work? We spend a lot of time working towards our professional goals. It is time to celebrate all we have accomplished at work this year. We often let our professional accomplishments go unnoticed. #5: What was the latest new memory you created? We live in a time where we get to capture moments in pictures, videos, or other digital ways. Look back on your recent pictures and re-live the beautiful moments you have had. #6: What was the last very delicious meal you ate? Food is one of the highlights of my life. It might just be me, but it makes me happy when I think of good things that I have gotten to eat. #7: What was the last fun activity that you did? Doing something you really enjoy is a great way to evoke happy feelings. Think about a great time you had recently. #8: What new thing have you learned lately? Growing and learning new skills are necessary to live the amazing lives we desire. I am always excited when I acquire a new skill or a life lesson. Adding knowledge to my toolkit helps me prepare for the future. #9: What was the last thing you did to celebrate yourself? It is very easy to remember to celebrate with others and forget about yourself. I have always admired people who made it a point to celebrate all of their milestones. It could be a birthday, promotion, anniversary, or other pivotal moments in your life. Think about how you felt when you celebrated yourself. #10: When was the last time you were your authentic self? Being our authentic selves makes us happy and feel fulfilled. Celebrate the moments when you were true to yourself. You are who you were destined to be. Final Thoughts - MC's Story Writing this blog post reminded me of the amazing things that have happened in my life this year. I am very grateful for all the "highlights" and great memories. My life is far from perfect. However, it is filled with many happy moments and memories. The next time that I am feeling down. I will come back to this post and ask myself these questions.
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 Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mothers and caregivers!!! Being a mother has been one of the journeys in my life that have turned out to be better than I could have ever imagined. Getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term was scary to me initially due to my prior health history. The interesting turns continued with having a baby during a global pandemic. Now I have a toddler who is discovering the world. I am very grateful for all my experiences.
In this blog post, I will share ten questions that I reflect on very often about motherhood. This is only the start of a great learning life-long journey. How has being a mother changed my identity? The concept of motherhood is beyond the point when the child joins the family. Over my pregnancy and the 18 months of my son's life, I have reflected on how motherhood has changed who I am. While the code of who I am and my values have not changed, and my perspective has shifted significantly. What does being a good mother mean? One thought that keeps me going is that I am the best mother for my son. We both get to define our relationship, learn from each other and grow. The image of a perfect mother does not exist because our journeys are different. I have seen that even my twin sister is s very different mother to her children. Can I be a good working mother? As far as I can remember, my mum worked and cared for my sister and me in my childhood. I have been fortunate to see working mothers who have successful careers and are excellent caregivers. This is the path that I have chosen for myself, and I am extremely fulfilled by being able to work on building a successful career and growing my family. How do I avoid the pressures of motherhood? For my mental health, I try not to put myself in a place where I feel I have to be like someone else. After I had my son, I stopped reading posts and articles from mothers who portrayed perfection. I struggled with breastfeeding my baby and felt judged by what I was reading. Shutting out those external stressors made my life much better. Everything you read, watch, or listen to is a snapshot of someone's life that they choose to share with you. What is one thing that keeps me going? My son is one of my biggest motivators. I want to give him all he needs to live a happy, kind, and fulfilled life. I have always been self-motivated and driven to do my best. However, now more than ever, I know why I am working hard at accomplishing my goals. What is my favorite part of being a mum? When I feel like the world stops and everything is perfect, my son smiles at me. In those moments, I am reminded that our son lives a great life and is happy. What more can I want beyond knowing that he is being who he was destined to be. Who are my "tribe" on this motherhood journey? Having a baby during a pandemic made our circle very small. We spent the first year of our son's life mostly indoors. My husband has been a strong partner on this parenthood journey. We both jumped right into caring for our family to the best of our abilities. I have learned a lot from my mum, sister, aunties, friends, and the great women in my life. What am I currently learning? I am learning to accept that my situation is unique and have given myself the grace to be flexible. I have to do some things in this phase of my life as a mother and career. Instead of seeking balance, I am accepting that some things might need to be prioritized higher than others at certain times. What do I need to unlearn? Many mothers will tell you about the guilt that plagues them because they think they are falling short of the standard of a good mother. I wonder who set the expectations of what motherhood should be like. There are a lot of variables that make all of our experiences different. Getting rid of the guilt is the only way for us to find happiness and be content. What do I want to do more of? The last 18 months have been an awesome journey, and I am excited about the future. I want to build many more happy memories with my family. Having fun is not something that comes easy to me, and I know that I need to be very intentional about enjoying life. I am committed to savoring every moment we spend together as a family. Final Thoughts I feel very fortunate to have a little human who I get to watch grow. Every day of motherhood is a gift. Some days are challenging, and we need to make difficult decisions. However, there is a lot of joy on this journey to becoming the mother I am meant to be.  Over my lifetime, I have had the privilege of living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Twenty-one years ago, when I moved to Germany and started my experience as an immigrant, I had no idea where I would be. My journey has had many highs and lows. I know for certain that this is the life I was meant to be living and would not change it for anything. In this blog post, I will share five ways being an immigrant impacted my life. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Allowed me to see more of the world Since I left Nigeria in 2001, I have been fortunate to visit ten countries on four continents. Growing up in Kaduna, a city in northern Nigeria, everything that I knew about the world was what I saw on TV. Seeing the world's beauty, learning about new cultures, and eating good food has made my journey amazing. I am looking forward to other countries that I will get to see over the next years. Made me independent and taught me to work for what I want Leaving home at the age of 15, I had to grow up very quickly and make decisions independently. I learned a lot by being brave and learning from my mistakes. My upbringing prepared me a little for the challenges I faced. When I hear people talk about things they inherited or have gotten without working for, I wonder what it feels like. Over the years, I have had to work very hard to get financial stability, achieve professional success, and live my life. I now know that if I want something, I can work towards it, and I do not need to wait for someone to make it possible for me. Helped me own my identity My cultural identity was something I was unsure of growing up in Nigeria. I was born in Germany to a Nigerian single mother, spent my childhood in Nigeria, and moved to Germany when I was 15. Not knowing my German roots always raised questions in my childhood. When I moved to Germany, I embraced my Nigerian identity, especially the food. Years later, when I moved to the US, I celebrated my German culture. I can now confidently say that I am German-Nigerian. Taught me how to adapt to change When I was younger, my response to the question about what one of my weaknesses was to say that I was scared of change. After 21 years of constant change, I now know that I am very resilient and adapt very well to new situations. I have lost count of the number of times that things changed in my life. I have experienced multiple transitions from moving to new homes, changing jobs, meeting new people, and settling into new countries. I have become very used to change and no longer fear the impact of life changes. Changed the trajectory of my life Looking back on my childhood and humble beginnings, life was very different from how things are now. Being an immigrant has given me the greatest life that I could never have imagined I would have. Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I did not leave Nigeria to start a new life in Germany and then also when I moved to the US years later. The last 21 years have made me my best self. Final Thoughts There are many aspects of my journey that I have taken for granted. Reflecting on the ways my life has changed reminded me of how strong all my experiences have made me.   In our lives, we experience many ups and downs. I have realized that it is very easy to stay motivated when things are going well. However, it is challenging to keep being motivated when unexpected things happen or when you feel stressed with everything going on in your life. To thrive and live our best lives, we need to develop strategies to maintain our motivation irrespective of what we are going through.
In this blog post, we will explore ways to motivate ourselves in all of life's circumstances. Recognize the power you have over your motivation A lot of us look outside for people or things that motivate us. Being dependent on extrinsic motivators makes you give up the power you have. I believe that you can motivate yourself and do not need to wait for other people. The ability to notice when I am demotivated, discover the root cause, and then take action to restore my motivation makes me feel empowered. Strategies to consider
Remind yourself of the good that is happening in your life A recent conversation with a friend reminded me of this point. When you feel stuck and demotivated, you tend to focus on things that are not going well in your life. I have found that when I intentionally redirect my focus and think about positive things, it helps me feel motivated again. The exercise of reflecting on my accomplishments over a period of time helps shift my perspective. Writing them down helps me visualize and count my blessings. Strategies to consider
Strategize and create a plan One of the ways to renew your motivation is to mentally unblock yourself from your state of feeling stuck and demotivated. When you start planning for the future, your mind focuses on things that are to come, and you are filled with hope. It helps you look past whatever is not going well and helps you see your future clearer. Planning concrete action steps is a way to reclaim your power. Strategies to consider
Do something different When you make changes in your routine, it allows you to explore new things. You might be feeling demotivated because life has become predictable. It might be time to try new things and change something in your life. Strategies to consider
Find inspiration We all need to find things that keep us excited and hopeful. I was talking to someone recently who had just attended a conference, and she spoke about the impact that the experience had on her day. She shared that she felt a new sense of excitement and motivation. Being inspired will definitely increase your motivation. Strategies to consider
Final Thoughts Life is a lot more fun when we are motivated to do the things we need to accomplish our goals and live out our dreams. Let's do what we can to restore and maintain our motivation. Time to reflect
 To accomplish the bold goals we have planned, we need to guard our time and resources. One of the topics that I have been reflecting on recently is that I have been a little lax with the boundaries that I set, especially around my time. After completing my goals review for the first quarter of this year, I realized that I need to make some changes. At the start of the year, I had identified the need to limit my work hours. However, as the year progressed, I was still overworking. It is something I really want to change in the coming months. The insights gathered have led me to reevaluate the boundaries I need to set to accomplish my goals.
In this blog post, we will discuss the importance of setting boundaries and the areas where we need them. Why is it important to set boundaries There are multiple benefits of setting boundaries and guarding things we care about, including:
How can we set boundaries and thrive The first step to setting boundaries is thinking about different areas of your life where you want to make changes and evaluating what boundaries you would like to set. One of my guiding thoughts around boundaries is that I will do everything I can to free up my mind and resources to focus on things that will help me accomplish my goals. Set boundaries with your family and friends The people we love are more likely than others to overstep boundaries that we set. I am a strong believer that we need to tell people how we want to be treated in order to have healthy relationships. Setting boundaries with family and friends is one of the most challenging things, as we typically want to avoid hurting their feelings. It is crucial to see setting boundaries as a commitment to take good care of yourself. Questions to consider
Set boundaries at work Especially since we spend so much time at work, it is essential to set boundaries there. The pandemic caused many lines between our work and lives to become very blurry. It takes a lot of intentional action to set the boundaries that we need to avoid overworking. Questions to consider
Set boundaries around your finances To accomplish your financial goals, you will need to be intentional and disciplined about how you spend your money. I had seen my finances grow the most when I focused on saving and making wise investments. It is essential to say no to spending my money on things that don't help me build wealth. Sometimes it involves me saying no to people, which is uncomfortable. I remind myself of what I am working on accomplishing in my finances in those situations. Questions to consider
Final Thoughts It is very easy to let go of your boundaries. However, the effect on our well-being and growth is very significant. Setting and maintaining your boundaries is an excellent commitment to yourself. Time to Reflect
 We all have to have difficult conversations in many aspects of our lives. They are critical to building relationships, having successful careers, and living a great life. I wish there were easy ways to master these conversations and make them less painful. Like with most things in our lives, when we can learn to handle difficult conversations in a better way.
In this blog post, I will share some things I am learning about handling difficult conversations. It is still a journey that I am still on. Reflect on past difficult conversations you have had We have all had a lot of difficult conversations over our lifetime. Some are easier to navigate than others. There are many things we can learn about ourselves if we take the time to reflect on how the conversations went. Most of the time, I find myself doing everything in my power to try to forget the conversation versus reflecting on the critical lessons that I could take away from them. I have learned that I do not like leaving a conversation feeling like I could not get my point across or defend my perspective. I am working on this by learning strategies to handle those feelings better. Strategies to consider
Be prepared for the conversation It is crucial to prepare yourself, especially with conversations that might have different outcomes than expected. It is mostly about you plotting a plan for yourself. I write some notes about the topic we are discussing and use that to prepare my mind before the conversation. Another thing that helps me is to get someone else's perspective or advice. You will handle the conversation better if you go in prepared rather than let your emotions take over at the moment. Strategies to consider
Focus on the actual conversation One of the crucial things that make difficult conversations better is being present and listening to what is being said. Often in my mind, I have built a whole movie about the conversation, what the person might be insinuating, and the impact of the discussion afterward. This makes the conversation even bigger and more complicated than it needs to be. Listening to what they are saying is always a better route to take. I struggle with this point and would like to practice my deep listening skills. Instead of focusing on formulating my response while people are speaking, I want to listen to understand and not to respond. Strategies to consider
Recap the conversation afterwards We can all learn something from conversations, irrespective of how they go. Spending a few minutes thinking about how the conversation went will give you some great insights. Thinking through good discussions can help build your confidence. You have the opportunity to recap what you did during the conversation. You can use your notes as a reference for the next time you have a difficult conversation. And if the conversation did not go well, use the opportunity to offload the things from your mind and get closure. Strategies to consider
Be kind to yourself I have come out of conversations and beat myself up for weeks afterwards because I wished I did or said things differently. Even when conversations go well, sometimes there is still a strange feeling or thought about how we may have wanted to do things differently. Going over conversations over and over is not very helpful for our minds. Especially overthinkers like me, we often struggle with letting go. Strategies to consider
Final Thoughts Handling difficult conversations well is a skill that needs work to build. If you feel like running away from difficult conversations, you are not alone. We all have to keep practicing to get more comfortable. Great Resources  Over the last 21 years, I have had many experiences as an immigrant in Germany and the US. I recently talked with someone who had immigrated to the US, and we shared our common experiences. It is amazing to see how many things we have in common because we have lived in a different country than the ones we were born in.
In this blog post, I will share the ten things that are part of my life as an Immigrant and how I handle them. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Being affected by unrest in the world With everything going on around the world, my heart goes out to people who are affected in the regions and those in the diaspora who are watching from afar. With every news story about bad things happening, it feels very personal. I know how it feels to worry about peace in the world and the impact on people you know. How do I handle it?
Missing key family milestones Our family recently grew by one member, and I could not be there in person. Recently, I recalled how many family celebrations I have had to watch from afar. I have gotten used to being too far away to celebrate key milestones with my extended family. How do I handle it?
Not understanding the jokes and references Whenever someone uses a cultural or historical reference that I do not understand, I am reminded that I am an immigrant. There are many things that people ask me about Nigeria, Germany, or the US that I do not know. Every day, someone mentions something about the country I am in that is new to me. How do I handle it?
Missing some of your favorite food If you read my blogs, you know how much I miss German bread. Someone talked about bread at a gathering that I was visiting lately, and I was already excited about eating great bread. When I moved to Germany, I still remember that I did not know where to find ingredients to make Nigerian food. We have definitely come a long way with the availability of food items from different countries. How do I handle it?
Getting a visa and other immigration documents Sitting in the offices of the immigration officers who get to decide if you can stay in a country, is a very humbling experience. No matter how many times you have been in that situation, there is always a small thought in your mind wondering if this is the time you get denied a stay in a country and would have to leave. How do I handle it?
Being asked where you are from Interestingly the question I get asked the most is, "where are you from." I have gotten very used to the question and know how to distinguish the intent behind the question. Most of the time, people are curious because they hear a different accent when I talk, and other times people want to make me feel like I don't belong. Fortunately, I have received more of the questions asked with positive intent. How do I handle it?
Disconnecting from your social network Every time I talk to someone who grew up on the same city or country that they currently live in, I wonder what it is like. I have lived in 3 countries and many different cities, which has made me lose touch with the people I spent some time with. Social media has helped me keep in touch with some people I grew up with, but the connection is certainly not the same. How do I handle it?
Having to create a new home often One of the advantages of being an immigrant and living in different places is that you develop the skills to create a home where you find yourself. Over the years, I have learned not to be attached to a physical location and to find happiness wherever I am. When I moved to the US, I was able to leverage the lessons I learned living in Germany. And now, I have built home my own little family. How do I handle it?
Not having some privileges or access to resources When I was studying in Germany, I wished that I had access to other students' financial resources. It would have made my life much easier. There is a long list of other privileges that Immigrants do not know about or have access to. How do I handle it?
Understanding the experiences of other Immigrants There is something very powerful about being different and having experienced being the "only" or a minority. It makes you more sensitive to the experiences of others whose lives are different from majority groups. Honestly, being an immigrant has made me kinder and more respectful of people. How do I handle it?
Final Thoughts My experiences as an immigrant have made me a better human. I am very grateful to everyone on my journey that has been my companion. I am living the amazing life that I want to be living.  In 2022, I am committed to sharing tools that have helped me thrive in my personal and professional life. One of the tools that have significantly impacted my professional journey is career coaching. Until a few years ago, I did not know it was for me. I worked with a career coach when I moved to the US, and five years later, I just completed six months of working with another coach.
In this blog post, I will share some of my experiences and lessons learned from working with career coaches. My goal is to help you see that this is a tool that is also accessible and can be beneficial to you. What is a Career Coach, and when does it make sense to work with one? Career coaches provide a range of services, from helping you figure out what you want to do to explore opportunities for professional growth to supporting you through the ups and downs of looking for a new job. In my experience, you can work with a coach at any time on your professional journey. If you are planning to keep growing, exploring new things, and taking on new opportunities, working with a coach will help set you up for success. What were my goals when I worked with a Career Coach? Interestingly the two times that I have worked with a career coach, I was in very different places in my career and had vastly different needs.
How did I approach my search for a Coach? As I have progressed in my career, I have become more intentional about planning and preparing for the moves I make. Before I started my search for a Coach, I thought about what I wanted to work on with them. I had three goals that I have wanted to accomplish. The actual search for a Coach was different the first time. While taking professional certification classes at UC Berkeley, one of the professors mentioned that she was a coach. We had an introductory call where I learned about her work, decided it was a fit, and we worked together for about six months. My second coaching experience was part of a program at work where we partnered with a company that had coaches in their Network. I was able to select my preferences and was offered a pool of coaches to choose from. Some of the things I look for in a coach include:
How to make the best of your coaching experience
What did I get out of my coaching experiences? Working with a coach has helped me grow professionally. Some of the outcomes of coaching include:
Final Thoughts I recently talked to one of my colleagues, and she shared that she never thought working with a coach was for her. It got me thinking about how hesitant I was to work with a coach initially and how much my investment has paid off. If you are unsure if coaching is for you, test it and see. A lot of coaches offer info sessions where you can learn more. Coaching is a tool that has helped me a lot, and I hope you will take advantage of it. Great Resources
Time for reflection
 One of the greatest tools to help us accomplish our goals is learning. We need to learn and develop new skills to achieve our bold goals. As I have progressed in my Life and Career, learning has contributed to my success. I am a strong believer in continuous learning and have enjoyed adding knowledge and new skills to my toolkit.
In this blog post, we will explore five ways to make learning a part of your life. For more tips and resources, check out some of my previous posts on learning at the end of this post. Set learning goals every year We need to be very intentional about learning and building new skills. It takes planning and scheduling time actually to make it happen. When I plan my goals every year, I identify three new things that I want to learn and work towards them. My learning goals are typically geared towards developing skills that I do not have but know that I need to succeed professionally and personally. The process of planning what I want to learn excites and empowers me. Questions to consider
Find learning formats that work for you We all learn in different ways, and it is crucial to know how you learn best and go for them. I really enjoy learning from other people's experiences, taking formal trainings, and I also learn through teaching others. When I set my learning goals, I plan for trainings, podcasts, or books that will help me. Questions to consider
Find your learning community Having accountability partners is crucial to maintaining your learning mindset and accomplishing your learning. Knowing that you have people around you who support and encourage you to stick to your learning goals increases your chances of achieving them. I feel fortunate to have a community of people who enjoy learning and work towards their own goals. They provide me with motivation and support while I continue my learning journey. Questions to consider
Share what you learned In my experience, one way to amplify your learning is to share what you learned with others. Whenever I learn something new, I make it a point to write a quick summary and share it with people around me. Professionally, I get to share my knowledge with my team and mentees. In my private life, this blog is an amazing medium for me to share my learnings as well. It is great to be able to deepen my learning by sharing with others. Questions to consider
Continue learning To thrive and accomplish all our goals, we have a lot of learning to do. It is crucial for us always to be learning something new. Unlike when we were studying for degrees, we get to choose what we learn, when, and how. There are so many great resources available to support us on our learning journey. Questions to consider
Final Thoughts This year my professional learning goals are to develop my skills around leading teams and impact programs at scale, driving sustainable organizational culture change. And in my personal life, I want to learn about storytelling and writing a book. I am very excited to learn awesome things this year and continue growing. Call to Action
Great Resources  This year has been going by very quickly. I think I say this every year. However, I still cannot believe it's been three months already. So much has happened in such a little amount of time. It is highly crucial not to lose sight of our goals with everything going on in our lives. A quarterly review is one of the amazing tools to help you stay on track.
In this blog post, we will complete a quarterly review with the help of 10 questions, and I will share an update on my top goals. Check out my other "Her Plan" posts for additional tips and resources to help you accomplish your goals and live your best life. 10 Questions for your intentional quarterly goals review Making time to reflect on the past three months will help you accomplish your goals. The exercise will provide you with information on how you're doing and insights on what to focus on for the following months. Some great questions to help you take stock of where you are compared to your plan include the following:
MCs Journey - Q1 2022 Goals Check-in 2022 has been a very busy year for me so far. Starting this year, I knew that I would have a lot going on in the first six months. However, I did not realize how much I would be juggling and its impact on me. Reflecting on my goals for the year, I have made progress on some and not on others. Generally, I am very thankful for where I am today. This year, I have learned that I need to pace myself not to burn out. Let's check in on my progress towards my top goals for 2022:
Final Thoughts Quarterly check-ins are a great opportunity to reflect on the progress you have made, celebrate your accomplishments, and plan for the upcoming months. We have nine more months to have a great 2022. Stay hopeful and take action towards accomplishing your goals. Call to Action
 Happy International Women's Day to all you amazing Women!!! The theme for this year is "Break the Bias." Imagine a gender-equal world. A world free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination. A world that's diverse, equitable, and inclusive. A world where difference is valued and celebrated. Together we can forge women's equality. Collectively we can all #BreakTheBias.
Being a woman is a crucial part of my identity and then layer on, being an immigrant black woman in Tech, people often do not know what to expect when they set me. I have been on the receiving end of many stereotypes based on people's perception of what someone that looks or sounds like me should be. Starting Point: What is Bias?
The first time I noticed bias growing up In Nigeria, where I spent my childhood, there were very strong gender norms. Women were expected to be primarily supporters of men and not be vocal. In most conversations, people reminded us of how important it was to be someone's wife and hardly any conversations about becoming the person you were destined to be. I was fortunate to grow up around women who defied the expectations of "what a woman could do." However, I knew society's expectations for me as a girl child. Deep inside, I always knew that I wanted to be a whole person and not be invisible. This led to a constant battle with who I am versus how I was expected to act. My experience with bias in a professional setting After graduating from university, I had no idea what I would experience when I began my career. I was very fortunate to start a job where I had a lot of responsibilities and a growth path. Most of the bias that I experienced had to do with a combination of my identities as a black woman. Especially at client visits, people expected the person in charge to be someone other than me. I did not fit the picture they expected of an experienced program manager. How I deal with bias My life experiences have made me very resilient. I learned not to let people's thoughts or stereotypes define me. My identity and self-confidence do not change because someone else sees me differently. I see experiencing bias as an opportunity to share my experiences with people to provide a different perspective. And more importantly, I have learned to move on quickly. How I am paying it forward Being on the receiving end of bias has made me very aware of the bias that others are experiencing. In my role as Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Program Manager today, I build strategy, plan, and lead programs that train people on how to be inclusive and respectful of others from many backgrounds. I feel very fortunate to be able to support others actively. Final Thoughts There is something very empowering about seeing women who have succeeded against all odds. All the women who have faced bias and still done great things - are heroes. Call to Action: What can we all do? We all play a very active role in making our world more equitable. Here are five things we can all do:
 My life experiences living in multiple countries have shaped me significantly. Over the past months, I have reflected on my amazing journey over the past 21 years. It has been very empowering to remember all that I have been through, my accomplishments, the amazing relationships, and the places I have been. In this blog post, I will share the factors that made my experiences different and the lessons I learned. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. First trip to Nigeria In 2006, my sister and I traveled back to Nigeria to see our mom. It had been five tough years of living and surviving in Germany. I worked hard to save the money for our tickets and still remember the excitement we felt as we packed our bags. Interestingly, my memories are mostly centered around the people we spent time with when we returned to Kaduna, the city we grew up in. I still remember sitting with our Grandma, who was very surprised and happy to see us. We also spent some valuable time with some of our childhood friends. When we were living, I was hoping we would visit more often. What did I learn?
A summer to remember I spent the summer of 2006 in England as a nanny for a family I met in my first year in Germany. After a few months of living in Germany, I met the mom on a train ride, and we bonded immediately. Having a friend who spoke English was special. Once she had her daughter, I babysat her before they moved back to the UK. This was actually the first income that I made in Germany. Fast-forward to when I spent the summer with them in Northern England years later. Taking care of a five-year-old over the summer was a lot of fun. However, I had no idea what the time away from Germany would do to me. This was the first time I re-evaluated where I was in life, and I realized I had to make some changes. What did I learn?
Trying times When I returned to Germany from Nigeria and England in 2006, things started unraveling very quickly. I knew that I had to make some tough choices. The first choice I made was to change the university course I was studying, which meant I had to move to a new city. I had an immense feeling of failure that stemmed from the fact that I expected to have completed my studies after being in Germany for six years, but I was far from it. Looking back, that was one of the pivotal moments that changed the trajectory of my life for good. What did I learn?
A year of significant changes One common theme was between my sixth year living in Germany and the US. In 2006, I made the major decision to change my university course and move to a new city. In 2020, the world was changed by a global pandemic, and my life was changed as I became a first-time mom. While the changes in both years were significant, I was in a much better place in 2020. The main difference was that I was surrounded with love, financially and professionally stable. That made my experience with significant change more pleasant. What did I learn?
Living through chaos Going through the first year of a global pandemic meant that we were mostly at home. I was very grateful that I was in a place where I was comfortable and could continue living my life with all the chaos happening in the world. It made me reflect on other phases of my life where I felt uncomfortable in my skin and home. Another great thing in my life was that I was in a very happy relationship which made the time at home enjoyable. What did I learn?
MC's Moment of Reflection The person I was in 2006 was very different from who I was in 2020. However, my journey had a similar theme; I was going through many life changes. In 2006, I had hit a "wall" and was not making progress. Compared to 2020, I was progressing and entering an amazing phase in life. As I wrote this post, I was overcome with gratitude for how far I have come on my relocation journey.   When people ask us what we want to improve ourselves, a long list of things comes to mind quickly. On the other hand, when we are asked what we love about ourselves, we need to dig deeper to discover what we like about ourselves. I have been on a journey of self-acceptance over the past few years. My strengths and flaws make me the unique person that I am. Accepting them has helped me feel whole and happier. I started seeing myself as a complete person with multiple facets.
In this blog post, we will explore how self-acceptance changes our outlook on life. This post continues our February series on loving ourselves. Starting point: What does self-acceptance mean?
The benefits of accepting ourselves Many great things happen once we start the journey of self-acceptance. #1: We are more confident Knowing and accepting your strengths and weaknesses changes how you see yourself. You exude a high level of confidence in who you are. Although you know you are not perfect, you are perfectly fine with it. #2: We know that failure or weaknesses do not define us With our flaws, it is crucial to know that they are one aspect of who we are but not the entirety of our identity. We spend so much time focusing on our flaws and allowing them to overshadow our good traits. You are a whole person that has a lot of good to offer. #3: We accept others more One of the biggest challenges we face in relationships is wishing people to change and become more like a mental image of them. After we accept ourselves, it is very easy to accept others for who they are. We don't expect perfection from others and appreciate their whole beings. #4: We are kind to ourselves When we stop wishing we were someone else and accept who we are, we show ourselves more compassion. Our self-talk changes from constant critique to being more understanding and kind to ourselves. We focus more on our strengths and are not as hard on ourselves. #5: We live to our full potential Believing that you are who you were meant to give your newfound energy. You go through life with a sense of positivity and hope. This change in perspective will fuel your life and help you accomplish more. Final Thoughts - MC's Journey A few years ago, I realized that self-acceptance is a gift that only I can give myself. I had gone through most of my life desiring traits that I saw in others. The constant thought of needing to get rid of my flaws to live a good life consumed my mind. It felt like I would never be the "perfect" person that I desired to be. One of the turning points was when I started spending more time getting to know my strengths. I felt energized by focusing on my strengths and celebrated who I was more. My perspective changed from thinking that my flaws defined me to embrace every aspect of my being. Time for Reflection What aspect of yourself do you want to accept? How will you remind yourself to accept who you are daily? How will you celebrate who you are?  This month we are focusing on showing ourselves some love. One of the ways we can celebrate our awesomeness is by leveraging our strengths. It is very easy to talk about what we do not do well. However, focusing on our strengths requires being more intentional. In this blog post, we will explore ways to live in our strengths and be our best selves. Do you know your strengths? One of the things that changed my life was learning more about my strengths. I did not really know what I was good at for the longest time. Many things that people said to me growing up focused on what I could be doing better. I hardly heard, "oh, this is what you are very good at ."It took me actually going on a self-discovery journey to find out what my strengths were. The strengths finder self-assessment was one of the tools that gave me words to describe my strengths. I can now confidently answer the question when I am asked what I'm good at. Another helpful tool to discover my strengths has been feedback that people give me. I struggled with accepting positive feedback as fact. It has helped me see the strengths others see in me. Strategies to consider
Are you using your strengths? Knowing your strengths is great; however, you need to use your strengths. We all have many strengths that we don't think about or rarely use. I see our strengths as gifts that we were given to enrich ourselves, families, community, workplace, and lives of people we come in contact with. Using our strengths will help us feel more fulfilled. I seek opportunities to leverage my strengths in the jobs I do or how I spend my personal time. Strategies to consider
How are you building your strengths? We focus a lot on improving things we are not good at. There is always an opportunity for us to keep getting better at things that we do well. Interesting one of my strengths is that I am a learner. I invest time and explore new ways of learning every year. The better I get at learning, the more fulfilled I feel in my life. I have seen the benefits flow into other areas of my life, like my work. Strategies to consider
Final Thoughts Over the past six years, I have been on the journey of discovering and leveraging my strengths. It has really changed my outlook on life and how I think about myself. Call to Action Over the next two weeks, find two hours to reflect on the following:
Great Resources  In recent conversations with people around me, I have been hearing the sentiment that the year so far has been exhausting. Typically, when the new year starts, we are all excited and look forward to the wonderful things coming. I was wondering how January felt so long and incredibly busy. Feeling this tired at the beginning of the year was not the plan. It is time for a small reset to make sure we take care of ourselves and live the lives we want.
In this blog post, we will check in ourselves with the help of 10 questions and assess the changes that we need to make to take care of ourselves. In February, we will be focusing on loving ourselves. #1: Have you made time for yourself? It has been a hectic year so far, and it feels like we are running behind everything we want to do. In the last five weeks, I have not spent a lot of time with myself. I feel like I have been pouring myself into work caring for my family and have forgotten what I need. Self-care was something I planned to prioritize this year. However, I have not made the time yet. #2: Are you getting some rest? Sleep is often the first thing we cut when we get busy. Reflecting on the past weeks, I know that I did not get as much sleep as I needed because I was trying to meet self-imposed deadlines. One of the routines that I planned for this year was going to bed on time, but I have not followed through. #3: Are you connecting with great people? Human connection is a source of energy for a lot of us. I really miss spending quality time with people that I like. We are all rushing through life and have forgotten to check-in and have deep conversations with our people. #4: Have you worked towards your goals? You can be very busy but not making progress towards your goals. This is extremely easy when you are overworked or spending more time meeting other people's needs. Do not be discouraged; there are many more weeks for you to work towards your goals. #5: Are you acknowledging how you're feeling? Being honest about how you are feeling is not always easy. Sometimes, it is easier not to think about your feelings because it's hard to process. Admitting to being overwhelmed and exhausted was hard to do. Most of us are taught to suppress our feelings and act like everything is ok. #6: Have you set and communicated your boundaries? Saying yes to things we do not want to do or neglecting to guard our time is one of the causes of overwhelm. If we did some soul searching, we will realize moments when we have said yes when we should have said no. Setting your boundaries is very important to maintain your mental wellbeing. #7: Are you being inspired? Sometimes refreshing your mind helps you feel better when things are going differently than your plan. I really enjoy reading books or listening to podcasts because I get new insights and inspiration. This is typically a very quick way for me to get out of any rut that I am feeling. #8: Are you asking for and accepting help? As someone who does not know how to ask for help even when I need it, this is one that I struggle with. It seems like an easy thing to do; if you need assistance, you should accept. However, we need to be intentional about noticing when we need additional support. #9: Are you focusing on what is going well? Celebrating your progress over the past month will give you some perspective. Even if you do not really feel like it, you have made progress. It is very easy to focus on the negative and feel exhausted. Taking a moment to reflect on the goodwill help shift your perspective. #10: Are you being kind to yourself? Especially when things feel like they are not going as planned, we can be very hard on ourselves. It is important to give yourself some grace. Stop beating yourself up for what has not worked and focused on what you can do in the upcoming weeks. Final Thoughts I knew I had to write this post to process what I felt. In the past week, I reacted to a situation in a way that was not typical, and my body has been indicating that everything is not ok. It is time for me to do things differently to avoid burnout. The year will continue going this way if we don't make changes. The good news is that we have the opportunity to make changes now. Time to Reflect
Call to Action Let us start a two-week challenge to turn things around: choose one change you want to make in February to show yourself some love and avoid burnout.  This year marks 21 years of my living in different countries. When I moved to Germany in 2001, I could never have imagined that I would be living in the US. Over the past seven years since I moved here, my life has changed in many ways, and I am enjoying it a lot. I am very grateful for my experiences on this incredible journey.
In this blog post, I will reflect on my seventh year in the US. This is part of my "Her Relocation" series, where I talk about my experience living in multiple countries over the past 20 years. Check out my previous posts about My Life in the US - Year 1, Year 2&3, Year 4, Year 5, and Year 6. Enjoying California We took our first vacation as a family of three, and it was one of the best experiences in my life. It was the first time I really enjoyed California and its beauty after seven years of living here. I have been on short trips to different cities, but this time it was different. The scenes driving down the pacific coast highway are the most beautiful ones I have seen in my life. We took our time, soaked up the sun, had good food, and bonded as a family. It was very important to me to start this new family tradition with our son, and I loved it. Missing my people This year more than ever, I missed my social network that is made up of family and close friends. The great people and connections that I have made have been one of the pillars of my life abroad. Being in the second year of a global pandemic made traveling to see family impossible. We kept waiting for things to get better so our son could finally meet our family and close friends in person. I am confident that we will be reunited with our people very soon. Experience with Immigration services There are times when I become very aware of my status as an immigrant. One of those moments is when I need to do anything regarding my visa or passport. This year, I had to extend my US green card and get a new German passport. It was the first time I needed to renew my passport outside Germany, and it went very smoothly. I really appreciated the German efficiency a lot. However, when it came to extending my green card, it was another story. The process is not transparent and long. I am still in the process of getting an extension even after six months. As I say that, I know of people who have been waiting much longer and appreciate my privilege of still having my legal residence status. Scary Political situations So far in my relocation journey, I had never seen anything like what happened at the US capitol on Jan 6. Interestingly, I was napping with my almost 3-month-old baby at that point, and when I woke up, I started following the events on TV. I sat there, totally surprised by what was happening. I moved to the US at a very interesting time and political climate. The events of that day were very scary and intensified the underlying concern I had with what was happening politically in the US since I moved here in 2015. Every day I hope for the best and acknowledge that this is a very complicated country with a lot of history. Access to healthcare One of my concerns about moving to the US was access to healthcare. I had heard of many horror stories, and then when the pandemic started in 2020, the US was not handling it very well. There were so many things that were not going right, from testing to containing the spread of the virus. When the vaccines became available, I was worried that it would be very complicated to get access. However, to my surprise, when the time came for vaccines to be made available, everything went smoothly. I really appreciate the access to free vaccines that some people don't have. Celebrating 20 years of living abroad Thinking back on my journey, I am very proud of where I am today. My experiences living in Germany and the US have shaped who I am today. I have had some difficult times when I could never have imagined the life I have now. I have met great people, visited places, learned a lot of lessons, and become who I was always destined to be. I am very excited for the years ahead, the countries I will have the opportunity to live in, and my experiences. Final Thoughts - 10 Lessons I learned In the seventh year of my life in the US, I learned a lot of great lessons, including the following:
 Over the past two years, a lot of us have been in "survival mode." We have had to put some things on hold and focus on the basics of living in unprecedented times. It feels like we have been holding our breath for so long and waiting for life to "go back to normal." It is time to start living again while being safe. With that in mind, in 2022, there are some things that I want to do more of that have brought me joy and helped me feel fulfilled in the past.
In this blog post, we will discuss some steps to identify what you want to restart this year, as well as the five things I am restarting this year. How to create your restart list If you are wondering how to go about creating your list of things you did in the past and want to continue, here are some steps to consider:
MC's Journey: What is on my "Restart List"? Thinking about my list of things that I wanted to restart made me very excited. I had missed doing them. The five things on my "restart list" are the following: #1: Prioritizing Self-care Especially with the pandemic and having a baby, I had to stop doing things that were part of my self-care routine. Although some of them are available and safe to do, I found that I did not make time. I remember how good I felt when I prioritized self-care. In this phase of my life, I need to redefine what self-care means to me and plan for it. What is my plan? To make it happen, I will incorporate more self-care into my daily routine and schedule time once a month for things that take a little longer. Resource [Blog Post] Make Self-care a priority #2: Doing what I love doing Working on my passion projects gives me a lot of energy. I really enjoy writing my blog, making videos, speaking at conferences, sharing my knowledge, and connecting with people in my community. Sadly, I stopped doing many of these things over the past two years due to the pandemic and needed to reprioritize my time to care for my son. This year, I have many opportunities to do things that I love again, and I want to seize them. What is my plan? I really want to reconnect with people on a deeper level in the near term. I am blessed to have so many amazing people around me who I can reconnect with, and I also look forward to meeting new people. Resource [Blog Post] How to find or revive your passion #3: Learning and getting inspired One of my top five strengths is being a learner. I am great at it and have incorporated different learning goals into my yearly planning in the past. In 2021, I was not intentional about learning like I usually do. It has left me with a desire to learn more this year. Over the holidays, I went back to reading books and listening to podcasts. It has been a while since I last read. The inspiration that I get when I learn and discover new ways of thinking has helped propel my life. What is my plan? I want to continue my new routine of reading every evening and listening to podcasts while doing chores. I also plan to attend at least one virtual event or conference. Resources [Blog Post] How to be a life-long Learner #4: Planning long term If you know me personally or have read my blog posts, you know that I am a planner. Creating plans in my personal and professional life brings me a lot of joy. I started creating something I called an orientation plan about ten years ago. It was a 3 - 5 year plan that outlined the high-level things that I wanted to do or achieve in my life. It gave me a sense of direction, and I changed it as I evolved in my life. Over the past two years, I have focused my energy on surviving and living in the present and have missed planning the past year. I am at a pivotal time in my life, and I know that I need my orientation plan again. What is my plan? The first step is to refresh my 3 -5 year orientation plan. It will take a lot of soul-searching to see what I want to do and who I want to be five years from now. Resource [Book] The Long Game: How to Be a Long-Term Thinker in a Short-Term World by Dorie Clark #5: Dreaming big and setting bold golds As I planned for 2022, I started experiencing a strange and familiar fear that comes up when things are going well, and I have big things planned. I was afraid to have too much hope or do new things, so I was not disappointed. As a result, I planned very "safe" goals. I know from past years that when I set bold goals and took risks, I accomplished things that I could never have imagined. I do not want to stunt my growth and possibilities because of self-doubt. What is my plan? To get back into the mindset of working towards bold goals, I will reflect on my journey and what I have accomplished so far. While I work towards my goals, I will also practice gratitude and not let fear stop me from being brave. Resource [Book] How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown Final Thoughts Writing my "restart list" got me thinking of how fortunate we are to do things we love. Some of the things on our list may seem small, but what really matters is their impact on us. Ask yourself if it brings you joy, makes you excited for the future, helps you grow or highlight your strengths. If it does, then the objective has been met. We all deserve to live our best lives and achieve greatness. A Moment to Reflect
 As I started planning for 2022, I knew that I needed to do things differently to thrive and accomplish my goals. As a planner, I need a structured approach to this challenge. I believe that to succeed, we need to put systems in place to do things differently and not just let them happen by chance.
In this blog post, we will explore the process of identifying what you need to do differently, and I will share three things I plan to do to set myself up for success this year. How to discover the changes you need to make to accomplish your goals It is essential to think through what you want to do differently as you start the year. Sharing some of the questions you can ask yourself to analyze what you need to put in place to thrive:
MC's Journey This is one of my posts where I share something that I am working on in real-time. Although I do not have it all figured out, I would like to share my process with you and hopefully some of the fantastic results down the line. #1: Getting additional support One of the areas where I realized that I needed help was childcare. Over the past fifteen months, my husband and I have taken care of our son while we were both working full-time jobs. We are very fortunate to have made it work as I primarily worked from home. Our son has also integrated himself perfectly into our lifestyle, and we are a great team. However, as he grows older and wants to explore more, we want to give him the opportunity to keep learning and have some more dedicated care while I get work done. What is my plan? We just found part-time care for our son. Very early, we knew that when we were ready as a family, we would want to have someone to help out for a few hours in our home. Being a babysitter for many years, even through college, I expected the process to be more straightforward for me. I pushed it out of my mind for as long as I could, and then one night, I decided to face my fears and start the search for a nanny. As I write this, I am very aware of the privilege to have the option available to us. We are willing to make this huge investment to ensure that I do not burn out trying to do too many things at once. I am learning a lot through this process. The biggest lesson is that I need to trust the person and the process. Like others entrusted their children into my care when I was a babysitter, I have to do the same thing now. So far, the transition has been smooth, and our son, who has not been exposed to people due to the pandemic, is adapting very well. #2: Setting Boundaries around my time Like many people around the world who have the privilege of working from home, I find myself working very long hours. My workdays consist of caring for our son while running meetings, events or getting project work done. I feel that the times I pause work to feed or care for him needs to be made up for after he goes to bed. However, the truth is that I end up working much longer than I did on regular workdays without a child. I pack my workdays so full and always feel like there is still much more to do. There is a term for what I have been doing; it is overworking. Over the holidays, I reflected and realized that I worked for 10 - 14 hours a day. This is subtracting the time that I spent caring for my son. And that has led to me not getting as much rest as I need. What is my plan? I will be limiting the time that I spend working every day. It will be hard to walk away from work that I think needs to get done. I will also be eliminating the constant sense of urgency by prioritizing my tasks and setting realistic timelines. #3: Starting new routines There are things that I want to start and others that I want to stop doing. Knowing myself, the best way to do this would be to develop some new routines. I am a creature of habit, and things are more manageable if I do them in the same way regularly. Although I need to make relatively minor changes, I want them to stick. One of the ways that I am thinking about my new routines is that I need to create space for things that make me feel more efficient, energized, and inspired. The great news is that I have the resources I need to start my new habits, and what I need to do is start. What is my plan? I have started new habits and routines that are good for me. I want to start a few habits, including reading, going outdoors, and resting more. I need to create the time to do the things that help my mental and physical well-being. Final Thoughts This year started very busy, and I already have to remind myself of what I committed to doing differently. Writing them down has been an excellent way to keep them top of mind. I am excited to see where this journey takes me and look forward to sharing some of my learnings with you. Time to Reflect What are three things that you want to do differently this year? How will you make sure you take care of yourself this year? How will you celebrate your progress this year?  Happy New Year, and Welcome to 2022! I really hope this year brings lots of growth, laughter, and happiness to you and your family.
There is something powerful about starting a new year. It often feels like a wonderful opportunity to be hopeful, reset and start new things. We are all truly fortunate to be alive and able to live out our dreams in a new year. Although the last two years have been different and challenging with a global pandemic, I am still extremely optimistic about this new year. At the beginning of every year, I like to share my goals and vision. In this blog post, we will focus on our 2022 goals and how to start the year right. In my other posts in January, we will plan to accomplish our goals. How to start your year right To have the best year we have ever had, there are crucial actions we can take to achieve our goals. Some of which are listed below.
MC's Journey - My plan for 2022 Goal setting is one of my favorite activities in both my private and professional life. Each year, I set time aside and document goals in all the important aspects of my life. This year, planning was slightly different. My goal list is typically quite long as I seek to accomplish as much as possible. However, as I listed what I wanted to accomplish this year, I kept thinking about the word "sustainably". The thought of accomplishing my goals while avoiding burnout was front and center for me. With that in mind, I decided to have a shorter list of goals and prioritize setting up a support system to make sure I am taking care of myself. I will share more about this in my future posts. Over the past years, I have shared my goals as a way to commit and also have you all as my accountability partners. I am excited about growing and learning how to do things differently in 2022. My theme for 2022 is "be brave to take on great things and take care of myself". Some of the high-level goals that I want to accomplish are:
Final Thoughts Over the past two years, our world and lives have changed significantly. We have had to redefine what is important to us and possible with the resources at our disposal. Now is a great time to reflect on what really matters to you. For me this year, I really want to enjoy life in the process of accomplishing my goals. I would like to invite you on this journey to plan for our best year yet. In the upcoming blog posts, I will share about what I am restarting in 2022 and how I am setting myself up for success. Time to Reflect
Great resources Check out some of my other posts that will help you start your year right  This year has been great for me. As I reflect on the year, I am amazed and extremely grateful for everything I experienced and accomplished. It was significantly different from the past years. One major change was that we went through the whole year as a family of three and were responsible for caring for a little human.
In this blog post, we will reflect on this year, and I will share my 2021 retrospective with you. How to intentionally reflect on your past year I would like to invite you to join me as I reflect on my experiences this year. The following five steps will guide you through the process of holistic and intentional reflection.
MC's Journey - 2021 Retrospective Reflecting on this year, I cannot believe all that has happened in my life and at work. My theme for 2021 was "go big and explore new things." Thinking of what would make me proud at the end of the year, I wrote that "I would be proud that I navigated motherhood, work, and my business like a champ." It feels great to know that they both came true in unexpected ways, and I learned a lot of lessons on the way. Goals: What were the top five things I planned to accomplish in 2021? Every year, I write down a list of goals that I want to accomplish in different areas of my life. Looking back now, I probably had too many things that I wanted to achieve in a year with major life changes.
Highlights: What went well?
Lowlights: What did not go as planned?
Lessons Learned: What did I learn in 2021? It is crucial for me to reflect on what I learned from experiences that did not go as planned. Some of the lessons I learned include:
What will I be doing differently in 2022? I like to take action based on the lessons I learned to increase my chances of success in the new year.
Final Thoughts I am very proud of myself this year. It has been a very busy and intense year. I am taking the next three weeks off to recharge, celebrate Christmas with my family, and prepare for an amazing year ahead. My first 2022 blog post will be published on January 11. A special note to you Thank you very much for being part of my journey this year. Writing these blog posts is very important to me. It is one way that I stay connected to my community and the people I really care about. Take care of yourself and see you in 2022! |
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