 On my 20-year relocation Journey, I have experienced a lot of highs and lows. As I reflect on the negative experiences, I am reminded of how much I learned from them. In this blog post, I will share the lowlights on my relocation Journey so far. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts to learn more about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Taking longer to get my first degree When I moved to Germany, I expected to earn my Engineering degree within five years. I could never have imagined how difficult it would be for me. The first course I started studying did not fit my strengths at all. I tried everything I could to make it work, although I knew I was failing. The thought of quitting and doing something else did not seem like an option for me. It took me three years before I decided to apply to a new university and study a new course. My second course was more aligned with my strengths. However, when I faced some challenges, I knew how to pivot and make changes. I finished the third course much faster and finally graduated with my Bachelor of Science degree. And a few years later, I earned my Masters degree. What did I learn?
Working multiple odd jobs The number of different jobs I did is astonishing. I was a babysitter for multiple families, worked on Campus, at Subway and, in multiple cafes to be able to pay my way through college. Thinking back, it was difficult having to work multiple jobs at once to earn enough money. There were times when I wished I didn't have to work so much and could focus on school more. Not only was juggling multiple low-paying jobs hard, but it was also taking me away from my primary goal, which was to complete my degree. Although it wasn't always fun, I gained many skills. What did I learn?
Having Financial Issues For the longest time, I was worried about not being able to pay my bills. I still remember the only time in my life that I overdraft my bank account by eighteen euros to buy necessities and received a letter from a collection company. I had just moved to a new city and was trying to settle in. The stress I felt was immense. Having to worry about money was a theme of the first ten years of my 20-year journey. I almost left Germany because I was tired of working so hard but still lacking essential things. I promised myself that I would never let myself get back to that place after I started being more comfortable financially. What did I learn?
Feeling lonely and isolated In August 2001, when I moved to Germany, it was a very nice summer. However, the fall and winter months came very quickly, and I was stuck indoors most of the time. At this time, I could not speak German and had not yet made any friends. I can still remember how lonely I felt being away from my twin sister, mum, and friends in Nigeria. The feeling of loneliness lasted for a while until I moved to stay with a friend and then my sister moved to Germany in 2003. Every time I moved to a new city, I had to recreate my social circle and felt lonely for a while. As I moved to new cities and countries, I got better at building connections faster, which helped me feel less isolated. What did I learn?
Surviving bad relationships & friendships I moved to Germany at a very formative time in my life. My experiences with having relationships started after a few years of being in Germany. In the beginning, it was a lot of trial and error. Growing up, I did not have a lot of positive role models who were in relationships or married. As I navigated the waters of relationships, I had some bad ones that caused emotional pain. Interestingly, there were also friendships that I had to let go of because they did not bring me joy, and I felt I was giving too much of myself. What did I learn?
Missing key family milestones and celebrations Being far away from home, I missed key milestones like births, deaths, graduations, birthdays. I still remember crying when I celebrated my first birthday away from my Twin. We had never celebrated any birthday away from each other since we were born. In addition, I celebrated my first Christmas alone. I missed a lot of the holiday traditions that I grew up with. Spending Christmas with my cousins and enjoying great food was a thing of the past. What did I learn?
Having Health challenges On New Year’s Eve in 2005, I went to the Emergency Room after being in so much pain all day. I have high pain tolerance, but this time it was different. I still remember seeing the fireworks on the bus on our way to the ER. At that point, I had no idea that the pain was caused by fibroids. I had endured severe pain for the major part of my life and did not know that it was not normal. Fast forward to 2011, I had to have a myomectomy to remove the fibroids. This was the first major surgery that I had in my life, and I was going through it alone. My sister was heavily pregnant at this time, living in a different city and could not be with me physically. I had the surgery and had a 6-week recovery time at home. Interestingly during this time, my niece was born, and I finally got my German passport. What did I learn?
Feeling stuck at work With the amazing success that I had in my career especially in recent years, also came some negative experiences. In 2017, I spent a lot of time away from home, traveling for work. I was caught between enjoying the work I was doing but not feeling recognized. A year earlier, I had worked with a career coach and was more aware of my professional goals. After being passed up for a promotion that I had worked very hard for, I knew it was time for me to leave my job. It was a complex decision because my visa at that time in the US was tied to my job. This led to me feeling very stuck. What did I learn?
Facing Immigration challenges As an immigrant, your ability to stay in a country is determined by someone in the immigration office. I still remember how nervous I felt every time I had to extend my visas. I was very aware that one person could decide not to extend my visa and change the course of my life. In Germany, there were requirements that I knew I had to meet to stay there. Meeting the financial requirements was one that I struggled with. At that time, you had to show that you had 400 Euros in your account every month and will not be dependent on any financial support programs. Thankfully, I was able to make it work, and my visas were extended. Fast-forward to moving to the US where my immigration status was different, I still faced some minor challenges. Although I met all the requirements, the process was less transparent and took much longer. After going through multiple immigration status changes, I still get nervous and ensure that I meet all the requirements. What did I learn?
Feeling like I do not belong The sense of belonging has been one major lowlight of my journey so far that has been a constant throughout. I have learned to do things that help me feel like I belong when I start feeling otherwise. For the first seven years in Germany, I could not wait to leave. Random people would ask me when I was going home and that was a steady reminder that Germany was not my home. I was mentally counting down to when I will get my degree and go back to Nigeria. After realizing that it would take me a little longer, I decided to start settling in and enjoy my life in Germany. It took me a few more years of learning what makes me feel like I belong. I stopped planning my escape and started building my home. This mindset had helped me feel at home in the US when I moved here. What did I learn?
Final Thoughts The negative experiences that I went through over the past 20 years shaped my journey and taught me many valuable lessons. Although I never want to experience the hardships again, I can now see the lessons I learned in the process. A Snapshot of My Story
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