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How I faced my biggest Insecurity

30/7/2019

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From my conversations with women around me, I know that our insecurities are always top of mind for us. My most recent insecurity is how much my body has changed. I had been trying not to allow it to bother me much. However, in the back of my mind, the huge insecurity lingered. The turning point for me was when I could no longer look at pictures of myself and appreciate my beauty. After a few years of watching the change, I decided to stop feeling bad about my body and start celebrating it.
 
In this blog post, I will share my very personal story and the key lessons I learned through the process of taking an active approach to facing my insecurities.
 
How did I face my Insecurity?
After six long months of deliberation and doubt, I decided to take a bold step and do a professional photoshoot for my birthday in October 2018. At the time, it was one of the scariest things I had done. Thinking back, this was one of the best things I have done for myself in a while.
 
What did I learn through the process?
Going through this terrifying experience of facing my insecurities taught me many valuable lessons.
 
Lesson #1: It is never as bad as you think
I had never been a fan of photoshoots. The thought of getting my make-up done, posing in front of a camera and then looking at my pictures intimidated me. However, as the day of the photoshoot approached, I started getting excited about the great pictures I would have. Finally, on the day of, I felt very comfortable and happy I was doing it. All in all, it was a pleasant and joyful experience.
 
Lesson #2: You need people who support you
The two people who helped me through the journey were Melissa, my sister, and Jennifer, the photographer. Melissa was in charge of making sure I did not only choose black outfits. She knew the right questions to ask me without putting too much pressure on me. Melissa knows me well enough to know how to help me from a distance. This was exactly what I needed at this tough time.
Interestingly I met Jennifer at a finance workshop in March, and I told her I wanted to take professional pictures, but I didn't know how to go about it. She gave me her card, and I checked out her work. It took about six months of internal preparations for me to be ready. When I was ready, I reached her to learn about the process, and a few weeks later, I was in her studio doing a great photoshoot. Throughout the process, her professionalism and excitement for her work kept me motivated.
 
Lesson #3: Guard your ears and heart
Many people don't think about the impact of their words on you. Especially if you feel insecure about things that people can see, hearing them talk about it or even make fun of it can make you very sad. I experienced this first hand. It took me a while to start ignoring the negative comments that came my way. I feel the strong need to appeal to everyone - be kind and sensitive.
 
Lesson #4: The results will be beautiful and worth it
I wish I spent time thinking more about the great results that will come from me facing my insecurities. This would have encouraged me to take the bold step earlier. After the photoshoot, I started volunteering myself for other sessions. I was now more comfortable with the process and looking at my pictures. I wonder how much we can achieve if we think more about the results and less about the painful process.
 
Lesson #5:  Facing your insecurities is a continuous process
Now that I have experience in facing one of my biggest insecurities, I know one thing for sure; you have to continue facing your insecurities. They don't magically disappear after you do something bold. The good news is that you have seen the great benefits of taking action and you know what you can do. To continue my journey, I am committed to celebrating my body every year with a personal photoshoot.
 
Final Thoughts
  • Facing your insecurities will make you feel empowered and free.
  • The best way to face your insecurities is to take action.
  • You are stronger than your insecurities - don't let them hold you back.
 
Call to Action
  • What is your biggest insecurity? Write it down.
  • What steps can you take to face your insecurity? Plan for action and do it.
 
Great Resources
  •  How to Get Over Your Insecurities
  • The 3 Most Common Causes of Insecurity and How to Beat Them
  • 3 Ways to Outsmart Your Insecurities
  • The Key to Overcoming Insecurity
  • To Overcome Your Insecurity, Recognize Where It Really Comes From

The result of facing my Insecurity
Sharing the great pictures I took. Thanks to my great photographer Jennifer Graham
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Video: Challenges I faced when I started my Business

27/7/2019

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Who are the women that inspire me?

23/7/2019

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A few months ago, while I was preparing for my video "In the News | Picture a leader," I started reflecting on the women in my life that inspire me. When I hear someone being able to name one person or a few people as their role models or idols, it amazes me.
 
I have always struggled with calling people that I don't know personally my role model. After contemplating on what being a role model meant to me, I decided to start identifying traits in women around me that inspire me. As I wrote the desirable traits down, I started realizing that these women have the same values that I have and similar legacies as I want to have.
 
In this blog post, I will share the five types of women that inspire me and how they have influenced me on my journey.
 
Type 1: Women who are pioneers in their field
Every time I hear about a woman who did something new in her area or invented something, I am inspired to explore new endeavors. For me, it comes down to a sense of pride for another woman winning. On my journey so far, there have been situations where I was the first or "only" person. Especially in my professional life, I have to constantly remind myself of the great women who felt alone on their own journeys but still pressed on and succeeded.
 
Type 2: Women who defied the odds and became great
The bold women who do things no one thought they could do are a huge source of inspiration for me. On my journey, I have come across many brave women in my life. Seeing someone make the best from a less than perfect situation motivates me. When I start doubting my ability to achieve my bold goals, I remind myself of the great women who defied the odds and succeeded.
 
Type 3: Women who built and own businesses
Especially since I now know what it takes to start a business, I am inspired by every woman who owns her business. Being an entrepreneur takes much courage, and it is not easy. I have learned many valuable lessons from female founders who had a passion or dream and built successful businesses.
 
Type 4: Women who have a positive attitude and message
Women who have the ability to stay positive and hopeful in our world today are my heroes. It takes much energy to see the good in life, people, or situations. I aspire to have and share a positive message with everyone around me.
 
Type 5: Women who support other women
Any woman that makes it a priority to lift other women has my respect. On my journey, I have been fortunate to have women who supported me personally and in my career. This is precisely what motivates me to build a community of women that support each other.
 
Final Thoughts
  • Having women whose experiences and successes inspire you is essential.
  • Surround yourself with women that inspire you and encourage you to do great things.
  • Be an inspiration for other women around you.
 
Call to Action
What are the traits that inspire you in other women? Know what inspires you.
Who are the women that inspire you? Identify three women around you.
 
Great Resources
  • What It Really Takes To Be Inspiring
  • Be a Woman of Impact With These 8 Qualities of Women Leaders
  • 10 Success Tips from Today’s Most Inspirational Women
  • Tapping the Potential: The Keys to Inspiring Women Leaders
  • 7 Characteristics of Inspiring Leaders
  • Get Motivated To Pursue Your Dreams Like These Inspiring Women
  • 60 Inspirational Quotes for Women on Strength and Leadership

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Video:  My Experience Studying in Germany

20/7/2019

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What are you afraid of?

16/7/2019

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"Let your dreams be bigger than your fears" - Unknown
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Knowing and talking about our fears is not something we enjoy doing. I wonder if it is because we are afraid that when we vocalize our fears, they come true. To be successful in our journeys, we need to face our fears.
 
In this post, I will share the definition of fears, reasons to overcome your fears, and strategies you can apply to face three types of fears. For more practical tips, check out my post titled "How to do things you are afraid of."
 
What does fear mean?
  • be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event
  • an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen:
  • to be uneasy, anxious, or doubtful
 
What are the most common fears women have?
Some of the fears many women have include the following:  fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of financial instability, fear of people's opinions, fear of not achieving goals or living out their dreams and fear of success.
 
What fear does to you?
Living with fear holds you back from seizing new opportunities, slows down your progress, and stops you from achieving your dreams.
 
Ways to address 3 types of fears
To be able to face our fears, we need to know what we are afraid of and actively apply strategies to face them.
 
#1: Personal Unknown fears
These are the fears that we are not aware of. The fact that we don't know them gives them even more power over us. They come up at times when we feel like we don't have control of a situation.
 
Strategies to consider
  • Discover your unknown fears - spend time reflecting on what is holding you back.
  • Accept your fears - learn more about your fears.
 
#2: Personal Known Fears
If I asked you what you are afraid of, some of your fears would come to mind. These are typically the ones that we think about daily. It's good that we know them. Because when you are aware of something, you can address it.
 
Strategies to consider
  • Plan for the events you are afraid of - by preparing yourself, the fear will reduce over time.
  • Do the things you are afraid of - take steps towards your dreams.
 
#3: Generational & Societal Fears
Based on our upbringing and the environment where we live, some external fears are imposed on us. It is essential to build a healthy relationship with this type of fears . They are mostly built on other people's experiences. Don't let them limit you and your perspective.
 
Strategies to consider
  • Acknowledge the external fears that affect you - once you know them, you can address them.
  • Share and talk to people around you - learn from successful people in your community.
 
MC's Journey
Talking about my fears is something I just started being comfortable doing. For years, I tried not to think about them so much. However, I noticed that they were controlling aspects of my life. The biggest fear that I had to face was my fear of change. I shied away from taking on new opportunities because I did not want to make changes. After missing some great opportunities, I realized that to achieve my goal and live out my dreams, I had to embrace change. Ever since I started facing my fear of change heads on, I have seen great results. Now I have made it my mission to be even bolder and challenge myself.
 
Call to Action
What are your top 3 fears? Write down your fears.
What strategies do you plan to apply? Face your fears.
 
Final Thoughts
Let's wrap up this post with some great quotes about fear
  • “I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” —Rosa Parks
  •  “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” —Marie Curie
  • “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” —Nelson Mandela
  • “Action cures fear, inaction creates terror.” —Douglas Horton'
  • “Living with fear stops us taking risks, and if you don’t go out on the branch, you’re never going to get the best fruit.” —Sarah Parish
 
Great Resources
  • What Are Women Most Afraid Of?
  • The Three Biggest Fears Women Have
  • The Fear That Is Holding So Many Women Back
  • 3 Ways to Face Your Fears With Courage
  • 13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with Them and Enjoy the Ride
  • 17 Inspiring Quotes to Help You Face Your Fears
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Video: In the News | Advice from female CEOs

13/7/2019

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About your 2019 Goals - Mid-year review

9/7/2019

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It's July already - where did the first six months of this year go? I am sure I say this every year, but I feel like 2019 has been a very fast year. Earlier this year we planned for the year in a post titled "About your 2019 goals – March Edition". Now it's time to review the year so far, celebrate our accomplishments and plan for the next six months.

In this blog post, I will share some of the thought experiments I did, share the five steps I went through during my mid-year review and provide a look behind the scenes of the insights I gathered .

Step #1: Make time and find a place for your goals review
To get the best results from your review, set time aside, and find a quiet place where you can concentrate. You want to take as much time as you need to ask yourself key questions, reflect, and write things down. Personally, the library is the best place where I can concentrate and have fresh thoughts. I have also found that I need about two to four hours.

Questions to consider
  • Where can I do my best thinking or concentrate the most?
  • How much time do I want to set aside, and when am I making time?

Step #2: Review your goals and measure your progress
An excellent place to start is by reviewing the goals you set for 2019. It is essential to view this exercise as an opportunity to check the progress you made and get clarity on what you are yet to do. To avoid the trap of getting disappointed, remind yourself that there are still six months in the year. You now know where your focus should be to drive the results you want. One thought that helps me is - "It is great that I am getting clarity half-way through the year and not at the end of the year."

Questions to consider
  • What assumptions did I make at the beginning of the year that have changed?
  • What new things came up that I didn't know at the beginning of the year?

Step #3: Evaluate what changed and what needs to change
As we know, change is constant. When we set our goals at the start of the year or the quarter, we set them based on the information we had at that time. As the year progressed, life happened, and things changed. As part of your mid-year review, analyze your goals with the new information you have gathered. Another point you want to think about is, what needs to change for me to be more successful in achieving my goals. Taking time to ask ourselves these crucial questions will help us be more successful.

Questions to consider
  • How have my goals changed based on what I learned?
  • What am I going to stop doing or do differently in the next six months?

Step #4: Update and set new goals
After you have reviewed your progress towards achieving your goals, you now have the opportunity to update your goals and think about new ones you may want to add. While you plan for the next six months, remember to set bold goals. When we look back on 2019, I want us to be very proud of the bold moves we made. Check out my post titled " Do you dare to do something great?". You also want to set goals in the categories that matter to you. Some examples of my priority categories are personal, finances, career, business, learning, and training.

Questions to consider
  • Are there any new goals or categories you want to add to your list?
  • What bold goal(s) would you like to add to your list?

Step #5: Celebrate your achievements
The best way to wrap up your review is to write down all your achievements over the first six months of the year. This has become my favorite part of my reviews. Seeing my achievements on paper serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows that the hard work I put in is paying off and secondly it motivates me for the months ahead. Remember to add small achievements as well.

Questions to consider
  • What did I achieve over the past six months?
  • What made me successful? What do I want to continue doing?

MC's Journey
About a week ago, I took out a few hours to reflect on the past six months. During my review, I started by reminding myself of my theme for 2019, which was " being brave or bold." Throughout my review I looked at my past months and future six months through that lens. I then went on to review the goals I set in January this year, measured my progress, updated them, and outlined my achievements.

Some of the things I did differently over the past months and during my review included the following:
  • Identified new goal categories that I wanted to prioritize for the rest of the year, such as bold goals, family, and giving back.
  • Highlighted my six-month achievements. Typically, I do this at the end of every year. Seeing all I have achieved in the past six months motivated me to do more.
  • Made time for planning sessions every quarter. Having time to plan the next three months helped give me clarity on what was next.
  • Utilized the technique of time blocking to schedule time to work on my goals.

Reflecting on some things I want to do differently to be more successful in 2019, here are some examples on my list:
  • Looking for ways to be more efficient with the tasks I have to do - use productivity tools and resources.
  • Get more help and delegate tasks that I don't have to do - free up my time.
  • Prioritize personal health goals and rest more - make self-care a priority.

I am very excited to make the next six months count and looking forward to the upcoming quarterly goals review in September.

Call to Action
Set aside two hours to review your year so far and plan for the next six months.
  • What have you achieved in the past six months? Write down your accomplishments
  • What are you going to work towards over the next six months? Write down your goals

Final Thoughts
  • The goals you set are meant to be a tool that enables you to do great things - set goals and work towards them.
  • You have the ability to take stock and make changes for the future - seize the opportunity.
  • You are doing a great job - celebrate your achievements.

Great resources
  • Review Your Goals Weekly
  • Set Goals That You Actually Want to Accomplish
  • How To Conduct Your Own Annual Review
  • The One Aspect of Goal Setting You're Forgetting (and Why It Matters)
  • How to Make the Most of Mid-Year Reviews
  • Are You On Track To Reach Your Goals? A Seven-Point Mid-Year Review Checklist
  • Mid-Year Review: 10 Questions To Ask Yourself Today
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VIDEO: How to take charge of your Finance

6/7/2019

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10 Things you never get used to when you move to new countries

2/7/2019

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Making a new city or country your home is a huge task. Some things are easy to adjust to; then other things take a longer time to accept while others you never adapt to. I have been on a journey to explore what those are for me.
 
Over the past year and a half, I have been sharing my experience living in different countries as part of the Her relocation series. The fantastic conversations I have had with other women who have similar experiences motivates me to reflect and share more.
 
In this blog post, I will share some of the things that I am still adjusting to and the ones I have accepted that I may never adapt to. The list ranges from food, language, culture and more.
 
#1: The Food
When I lived in Germany, I missed Nigerian food and had to find a way to cook some of my favorite dishes. Now I am in the US, and I miss German bread. It seems to be the norm; when I move to a new country, I still miss the different dishes I enjoyed in my other home countries.
 
#2: The Sayings or Adages
Especially when you are learning a new language, one of the last things you connect to are sayings in the new language. Often it is not that you don't understand them, it's because your brain doesn't automatically make the connection. I find myself still trying to decode German sayings and thinking to myself - why do they say that?.
 
#3: The Local Dialects or Accents
It takes a while to learn a new language. After you have mastered it, you then start hearing new accents or dialects spoken in different parts of the country. Even after 14 years, I was still discovering new words German dialects and getting used to different accents. And now I am exploring the multiple accents in the US.
 
#4: The Music
Although I lived in Germany for 14 years, German folk music is still a mystery to me. When I'm in a celebration or sentimental mood, I go to Nigerian music. The warm feeling I get when I hear songs from my childhood is indescribable. Over the years living in different countries, I had added some other genres of music to my repertoire. However, Nigerian music is still home to me.
 
#5: The Stories or Historical references
Given that I spent my childhood in Nigeria, I am very unfamiliar with German or American historical references. Often when I am in conversations, and people make references I don't know or understand, I ask clarifying questions.
 
#6: The Stores
If you know me, you know that I'm a huge fan of ALDI, a great grocery store in Germany. I shopped there nearly every week for 14 years. It got to a stage where I knew the store very well and noticed if they rearranged the store or added a new product to their stores. I had to provide some deep context to drive home to point. After four years and many new stores to explore in the US, I still miss grocery shopping in Germany. I'll give it ten more years and see if I adapt to the stores in the US.
 
#7: The Holidays and Celebrations
I should start by saying I am very grateful for having time off. With 4th of July holiday this week, I am reminded of the fact that this is a new holiday for me. Apart from enjoying the sun, what else do we do? Also, some of the holidays observed have very interesting traditions that are foreign to me.
 
#8: The Measurement System
Ok, this one is specific to living in a country like the US that chooses to use a different measurement system. After being in the US for over four years, I still can't figure out the temperature in Fahrenheit or the weight in pounds or distance in miles. I have gotten to a place where I memorize the conversion to the values I use often.
 
#9: The Weather
When I moved to the bay area, I was confused about the fact that it doesn't rain in summer. Almost everywhere I have lived, summer has been the major rain months. I have grown to enjoy the cooling rain after a very hot day in Cologne. Rain showers are a part of a great summer for me. However, that's not the case here. I keep waiting for the rain, and I'm reminded that I have to wait until winter.
 
#10: The People
Although I am very happy to be where I am today, I still miss my family and close friends in Germany. The most challenging part is missing key milestones and experiences. I have learned to make use of technology and other ways to stay connected with the people I care about.
 
Call to Action
What are some of the things you are still getting used to?
 
Final Thoughts
  • While you adapt to a new city or country, be patient with yourself and your new environment - it takes some time to adapt.
  • Hold the things that you value close to your heart and find ways to do them.
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    Marie-Christin Anthony
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