 In the 21 years that I have lived abroad, I had a mix of experiences. Some of them were good while others were not so cool. However, overall my journey has been amazing. There are many moments that I am proud of and still amazed at how my life has tuned out. I never imagined that I would be where I am today.
In this blog post, I will share the ten things that I am proud of accomplishing in 21 years of living abroad. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. #1: Becoming independent At the young age of 15, I moved from Nigeria to Germany. It was the official start of me having to fend for myself and make critical decisions. I felt so grown-up back then, and now when I think back, I realize how young I really was. Being so young and figuring out my life is something that makes me very proud. #2: Paying for my way through school I will forever be grateful to all the families that allowed me to care for their children. The money I made from babysitting, working in cafes, and on-campus helped pay for my life as a student. I know it's a big deal that I was able to support myself and my sister financially. #3: Earning my first and second degree If you had followed my story, you would know that it took me longer than expected to get my first degree. I changed my under-grad course twice, and it took me about seven years to finally get my Bachelors degree. That did not stop me from going ahead to start my Masters. I decided to study part-time while I worked my full-time job. Finishing my Masters degree in the planned time is something I am very proud of. #4: Getting my German passport One of the most complex parts of being an immigrant is securing a visa or legal stay approval. For ten years of living in Germany, I was on a visa that granted me a short time stay of six months. This was a very stressful process, and I felt really relieved when I was finally eligible to apply for a German passport. The truth is that traveling and living in other countries became much more accessible than when I only had a Nigerian passport. #5: Building my family and home My family is one of my biggest accomplishments in life. I have people that I love and get to spend my life with. In addition, finding a place where I really feel at home was not always easy. I am proud of the fact that I have been able to have my family, find my place, and be settled now. #6: Being able to give back I feel very fortunate to be able to meet my own needs and support people around me. Years ago, I was struggling to afford my basic needs. Being financially stable was the first step, and then I was able to start building wealth that helped me afford to invest in my loved ones' lives as well. #7: Following my passions In the early days of my journey, I focused more on surviving and didn't have much time to invest in my passion projects. The truth is that I didn't know what I was passionate about. In recent years, I have been able to spend more time doing things that I really enjoy. My blog is one of the things that I have always wanted to do, and I have finally gotten to do it. #8: Having a successful career I started as a babysitter and worked many minimum wage jobs to pay my way through college. After graduating, I started building my career as a project manager from scratch. I did not have the access or network that some of my peers did. It took a lot of hard work to achieve the professional success that I have experienced so far. #9: Finding happiness in life On my journey living abroad, I have experienced a lot of ups and downs. It took me a long time to get to a place where I was genuinely happy. I am now at a place in my life where I feel satisfied and excited for the future. #10: Staying true to who I am As an immigrant, your identity is a complex topic to navigate. I have lived in many countries and have been influenced by many life experiences. I now know who I am and am confident in what I can offer the world. Final Thoughts Reflecting on the past 21 years, I am very grateful for how far I have come. Although the first years were very rocky, I am where I was destined to be. All my experiences made me who I am today.
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 We made it through the first six months of 2022. I say this in every goal check-in; it seems like the time is going by very quickly. We have had a mix of great and not-so-great experiences. There is so much that happens in our lives in only six months.
In this blog post, we will check in on our progress towards our goals in the first half-year, and I will share an update on my top goals. Check out my other "Her Plan" posts for additional tips and resources to help you accomplish your goals and live your best life. Step 1: Reflect on H1 2022 This is a great point to reflect on the last six months. Remind yourself of your goals for the year and the actions you took towards accomplishing them. I have learned the importance of reflecting on the progress I am making multiple times during the year versus only once a year. Resource: Check out "10 questions to reflect on your year" for some tips Questions to consider
Step 2: Celebrate your Accomplishments One of the critical activities that we neglect is reflecting on the good that has happened in our lives. There is a lot to be learned from the goals that you have accomplished. Make the time to evaluate the progress you have made towards the goals you set. Resource: Check out "How to start celebrating your accomplishments" for some tips Questions to consider
Step 3: Reflect on Lowlights and lessons learned I am sure you can easily list the things that did not go as planned this year. As you reflect on those things, it is critical to think about the lessons you learned from the experiences. Some of the most valuable lessons that we learn come because we are intentional about reflecting on things that did not work out with the intent of improving ourselves Resource: Check out "How to develop a Growth Mindset" for some tips Questions to consider
Step 4: Refresh your plan for H2 2022 Now that you have reflected on your accomplishments and lessons learned, it is time to start planning for the next six months of the year. Think about the goals that you want to accomplish and the actions you want to take to make 2022 your best year ever. Resource: Check out "How to make the next months count" for some tips Questions to consider
Step 5: Commit to taking action It is great to set goals and have aspirations for the future that you want to live. However, what brings the results you want are the actions that you take. You have the power and ability to work towards your goals - one step at a time. Resource: Check out "How to get things done in a very busy world" for some tips Questions to consider
MC's Journey: Progress update H1 2022 These past six months have been very intense for me. I have been doing a lot in my private and professional life.
Final Thoughts Taking time to reflect on your last six months and plan for the next months is crucial. I am very thankful for all that I have experienced in 2022, and I look forward to the next six months. Call to Action What are three things that you have enjoyed in the last six months? What are you looking forward to over the next six months?  Welcoming a child to the world affected me in ways I did not expect. It has helped me discover what fatherhood means. I did not have the opportunity to grow up with a father, so I am learning everything I have learned about a father-child relationship from watching my husband and our son. There is a lot that is written about a Mother's love and little about the beauty of a Father's love.
Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers and Caregivers taking the responsibility of raising the next generation very seriously !!!! In this blog post, I will share some moments when I learned about a father's love from watching the relationship between my husband and our son. #1: The birth of our son If you speak to any parent that has witnessed the birth of a child, they would probably share the powerful emotions they had during the experience. We had our baby in October 2020 at the height of the Pandemic. My husband could not attend any of the doctor's appointments throughout my pregnancy, so the day of my c-section was the first time he was in that environment. As we prepared to meet our baby, I could see him feel all his emotions at once. When our son was born, his father went into full caring and protection mode. He wanted to ensure our little human was safe and had everything he needed. #2: Our son's ongoing wellbeing When we hear about a child's wellbeing, it is often seen as a mother's responsibility. Growing up, I had mostly seen the moms cater to the physical needs of their children, and it was surprising to me. I have seen my husband be a father who cares deeply about our son's physical and emotional health. From birth, we were advised to give our son a massage multiple times a day, and my husband did them for multiple months without fail. Every single day, my husband cuts up our son's fruit and presses his orange juice. #3: The lessons he teaches our son Seeing my husband impart knowledge to our son and teach him things that I cannot teach him is beautiful. I silently watch their interactions and the pride my husband feels when our son remembers something he taught him. It takes a lot of time investment and love to teach children new skills. #4: Hearing my husband talk about our son The love with which my husband speaks about our son is immense. Sometimes even when we experience the same things, hearing my husband tell the stories fills my heart with renewed joy. He celebrates every milestone and exciting experience. #5: The deep and lasting bond between a Father & Child The moment when I see my husband melt because my son gave him a hug, looked for him, and smiled when he saw him, reminds me of the powerful bond they have. Every single morning, one of the first things our son does is look for his daddy. It warms my heart to see their love. Final Thoughts One lesson that I am learning is that you can experience whole and great relationships by watching others. People often asked me if I missed having a father. The answer is not really because you can't miss what you never had. However, what I can now say is that I have more of an appreciation for great fathers and caregivers.  Recently, I achieved a professional goal that I have been working towards for many years – I became a people manager again. I was a people manager in my last company and wanted to go back to managing a team. This huge accomplishment came with many mixed emotions for me. The first emotion I felt was excitement that my professional dream had come true, and then the feelings of self-doubt started to creep in.
In this blog post, I will share the five tips that are helping me navigate and enjoy this phase of my professional life. I am writing this post as a reminder for myself and valuable tips for anyone out there who is working through similar experiences. #1: Celebrate your accomplishments When my manager sent the email to my team announcing that I was becoming a Manager, I had a smile on my face and was very happy. My journey to get here was a multi-year process that was not smooth or straightforward. I knew that I needed to celebrate this significant milestone. However, it felt easier to keep moving as if everything was normal. The good thing was that I got to spend some time with my family, and they celebrated my accomplishment with me. Why is this important?
#2: Accept the trust that people have in your abilities Self-doubt makes you think you don't deserve to be where you are or accomplish something big. It helps to get extra confirmation from people you trust. In my case, the people telling me that I will be great in my new role have worked with me for years and know my work. I have decided to listen to them and believe their kind words. It is very easy to brush off the positive things that people say about you because we think they don't mean it as a way to diminish our contributions. Why is this important?
#3: Acknowledge your emotions Over the past weeks, I have had multiple emotions – happiness, overwhelm, excitement, and more. Right now, the emotions I feel are mostly a sense of responsibility because I want to do right by my team. I want to be the best manager that they need to feel valued, respected, and that they can thrive professionally. Over my journey, I have learned that it is important to acknowledge when I am feeling self-doubt and causing myself not to enjoy a key milestone. Why is this important?
#4: Set your goals and gain clarity of where you want to go One of the effects of self-doubt on me is that I get too scared to think about the future. Many people who talk about their imposter syndrome will tell you that it stops them from envisioning a time when they accomplish even bigger things. When something big happens, I worry about the increased responsibilities and my desire to over-achieve. Setting goals helps me plan for the future and get concrete about the steps I will be taking to accomplish them. Why is this important?
#5: Believe in yourself and make bold moves on your journey As much as your mind might be telling you that you don't deserve to be here, the truth is that you have worked very hard to accomplish everything you have. It takes a lot of self-talk and continuous personal work to guard against self-doubt. You need to keep making bold moves and not let self-doubt stop you from accomplishing great things. Why is this important?
Final Thoughts If you feel overwhelmed by the great things happening in your life, you are not alone, and it is perfectly fine. Although I am very excited about my journey ahead, I am still actively walking through self-doubt. I'll keep you all posted on my progress in this new phase of my journey.  After everything we have been through over the last years, I wanted to share an experience that renewed my energy and gave me hope for the future. I got to spend time with some of our family members. Writing these words fills my heart with immense joy. The last time we saw our family, we thought we would get to meet them again in about a year. One of the lessons that I learned during the pandemic was to seize any opportunity to spend time with people that we love. Our trip was very spontaneous. I was running up on the maximum vacation time that I could accrue before I started losing vacation days, and my husband was also able to take time off. So we took the plunge and embarked on a three-week family trip. This was the first time we had seen our family members in the UK in four years. We had planned a family reunion in June 2020, which we canceled due to the pandemic. It was heartbreaking to miss time with our family. In May 2022, we get to enjoy some amazing family time. In this blog post, I will share five things that I was reminded of on this trip. #1: Family is precious As a result of living in different countries, I have been physically away from my family. I have not lived in the same location as my mother for 21 years and from my twin sister for over 16 years. We have had the opportunity to see each other for a very limited time during that time. We have mostly stayed connected virtually. However, holding my new nephew, hugging my niece, and connecting with our extended family was a priceless experience. #2: Don't compromise on things that are important to you In the past, when I had been on vacation, I compromised on things that were important to me. I was trying to save money and adjust to other people's needs or did not even know what was important to me. This trip was different; I knew that I really cared about comfortable places to stay, great food, and taking my time to enjoy the experience. I took my time and planned the things that were important to me and did them. Our trip was much more fun because my basic desires were met. #3: Don't let fear stop you This trip was the first flight with our 19-month-old son, and we decided to embark on a 10-hour flight from San Francisco to London. Those of you who have kids know the feelings that arise when you think of a long flight with a toddler. I had played all the horror scenarios in my mind of things that could go wrong on our flight. I am very fortunate to have such an amazing husband and a toddler who adapted very quickly to the new circumstances. I am glad that I did not let fear rule me. #4: Enjoy the moments I have always tried to capture beautiful moments and memories. There were so many beautiful moments on this trip that I wished I was recording all the time so I did not miss anything. All the laughter, our son playing with his cousins, and the beautiful sights and new places I visited are memories I will never forget. I made it a priority to enjoy every moment to the fullest. #5: Enjoy the fruit of your labor Over my vacation, I reflected on one of the things that I have struggled with for the past years. Due to my experiences with financial difficulty growing up, it is hard for me to spend money on things that I want. I have been hyper-focused on building a solid financial foundation and spending on my needs. The thought of splurging on things because they improve my experience makes me uncomfortable. One of my colleagues shared that she tells herself that she can do nice things for herself because she works hard. That simple thought made me open to doing things for myself, even if they cost me more than normal. It was worth it, and I am glad that I chose to invest in my well-being. Final Thoughts This trip was memorable on many levels. I am very thankful for the privilege we had to travel, spend time with family, and enjoy new experiences. Sometimes it feels like work and all the responsibilities have taken over our lives. It is time for us to prioritize enjoying our lives. Call To Action What is one thing you have wanted to do? When will you take the bold step and do something you want?   Over the past 21 years, I have had the privilege of living in the US and Germany. I have been reflecting on my journey living abroad and thinking about things I do not talk about often. I acknowledge that there are many experiences of immigrants that I will not be covering because not all experiences are the same, yet we have many similarities.
In this blog post, I will share things about my experience and other immigrants that I have come across on my journey. We could talk about this topic for a very long time. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. #1: You will always stand out If you live as an immigrant in another country, you will undoubtedly stand out. It is a massive adjustment to now be noticed, especially for those who have lived in countries where we blended in. The status of an immigrant follows you everywhere you go. I have learned to accept that as part of my life experience. #2: You always think about your differences As immigrants, we have many differences from the majority of the people in the countries we live in. The differences range from race, ethnicity, language, social-economic, religion, background, and many others. We are very aware of our differences every single day. #3: You live with the thought of being denied a visa/stay and having to go back to your home countries Part of most immigrant journeys starts with a temporary visa or approval to stay for a limited time. With that comes the knowledge that your stay could be revoked, and you may be asked to return to your home country. In fact, even after you get a passport from your new home country, the thought stays in the back of your mind. #4: You don't have access to a lot of things When I went to university in Germany, the access differences from my German counterparts were very noticeable. I always wished I had the knowledge, networks, financial support, and access that other students had. We make it work, but the path there is more challenging. #5: You do not know some systematic structures and processes I still think back to when I arrived in the US and faced challenges getting a credit card because I did not have credit. This was totally new to me as Germany does not have the same financial structures. I have a very long list of things I wish I had known early. Even after living abroad for over 21 years, there are still some things that I don't know and learn. #6: Finding a place to get your hair done might be a challenge Immigrants who have a different hair texture from the predominant group in the country they now live in will understand this. My friends did my hair for many years because I could not find a place to get my hair braided when I moved to Germany. This contributed to me deciding to cut my hair low because it helped me. #7: You will miss food and other things you enjoy This was actually the first thing that came to my mind. My immigrant experience would not be complete without me talking about food. It is one of the things that connects me with my culture. 21 years ago, when I started my journey as an immigrant, food from different countries was not as readily accessible. Interestingly, till today, there are some foods that I have not eaten since I left Nigeria. #8: You may face discrimination This post would not be complete if I didn't mention the fact that many immigrants face discrimination for their race, ethnicity, language, social-economic, religion, background, and other differences. A lot of immigrants do not share their negative experiences. My hope is that people will have more inclusive experiences. #9: People often underestimate your abilities The status of an immigrant and someone who is different sometimes makes people think that you are unable to achieve big goals. Every time I hear about immigrants that have paved their way and are doing great things, I am very proud. I have had the opportunity to work with people from different backgrounds who are amazing at what they do. #10: Your view of the world is multifaceted One of the things I appreciate the most about being an immigrant is that my perfective has been enriched by every country I live in and all my experiences. There is something special about learning new cultures or languages and building a new life from scratch in a new country. Final Thoughts Our world is more multi-cultural now than at any other time in history, and it's a beautiful thing. Seeing fellow immigrants makes me appreciate my journey even more. A lot of people experience good and bad things daily. Please contribute to making the world a place where everyone, irrespective of their background. To all the immigrants out there, keep being great!  May is Mental Health Awareness Month in the US. It serves as a reminder for us to prioritize our Mental Health. I have been reflecting on my thoughts about mental health at this stage in my life and the lessons that I learned on my journey.
In this blog post, I will share five things that I know about mental health that would have saved me some painful experiences if I had learned them in my childhood. #1: Check-in on your mental health often Interestingly, it is very easy to go through life and forget to check in on how you are doing mentally. It took me a while to realize that I was not aware of the state of my mental health. Sadly, I got to a place where I was really struggling before I started making changes. Knowing that I have a lot going on in my life, I am now very intentional about making sure my mental health is good. When I start feeling the impact of neglecting myself, I take action to get back into alignment. What am I doing differently now?
#2: You need to unlearn a lot you learned about mental health We all learned what we know about mental health from society, family, and friends. Some of the lessons serve us well, and others do not. It is our responsibility to unlearn some of those lessons and learn ways to care for our mental health. One of the things that I had to let go of was that it was a sign of strength to hide your feelings. By observing the people and hearing conversations around me, I learned to suppress emotions that led to me feeling a lot of internal stress and negatively impacted my mental health. What am I doing differently now?
#3: Do not let the stigma around Mental health stop you from getting help There is still a lot of stigma around getting additional support when you need it. The way people talk about therapy and other mental health resources that can help your mental health can sometimes be discouraging. It is crucial to acknowledge when you need help and get the help you need. This is something that will help you live a great life and thrive. What am I doing differently now?
#4: You need a community of people who care about mental health Surrounding yourself with people who are aware and intentional about maintaining their mental health will make a huge difference. They help you see that you are not alone with whatever struggles you have, and we can all be there for each other through the good and bad days. Having honest conversations about how I'm doing mentally has really made a difference in my life. When I have check-ins with my support community, it helps remind me that things will always get better. What am I doing differently now?
#5: Show yourself some compassion and grace Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves, which makes things worse for our emotional well-being. In situations where I spent time judging myself for feeling a certain way, it did not help me at all. It was easier for me to understand other people struggling with their mental health and give them grace, but I struggled to do the same for myself. When I feel down, I need to stop judging myself for how I feel. Being kind to myself relieves my stress and improves my mental health. What am I doing differently now?
Final Thoughts Talking about our mental health needs to become a regular aspect of our lives. We share other physical health practices such as exercise or a healthy diet; imagine a world where people feel more comfortable sharing their mental health and getting help when needed. Call to Action How are you maintaining your mental health? Prioritize your mental health What have you learned about mental health that you want to unlearn? Unlearn things that do not serve you  This past weekend while I was trying to put my 19-month-old son to sleep unsuccessfully, I started thinking about how easy it was to get upset and be in a bad mood. I was looking down on him and decided to focus on the good things that were happening in my life. A lot is going on in our lives that can make us feel frustrated if we focus on them. If you feel the weight of life on your shoulders, you are not alone. One thing we can control is our mindset. Sometimes, we need to actively remind ourselves of the good that is happening in our lives.
In this blog post, we will ask ourselves ten questions that will help us adjust our perspective and focus on the positive things in our lives. #1: What was the last thing that made you smile? Think back on the happy feelings you feel when someone does something nice for you or has a great experience. As I write this post, I am smiling at the things in my life that have made me happy recently. One realization that I had is that with a child, many cute moments make us smile. #2: What was a recent compliment someone gave you? Although I believe that we should not base our happiness on what others say to us, I do value the external perspective that people can give you by recognizing a great thing that you have done. #3: How have the people in your life contributed positively to you? The people that we surround ourselves with play a vital role. I feel very blessed to have great people in my life who have added significant value. My family and friends are a crucial part of my journey, and they make me feel supported. The amazing people in my life are a gift in many ways. I am grateful that I have great people who are my life companions. #4: What was one recent accomplishment at work? We spend a lot of time working towards our professional goals. It is time to celebrate all we have accomplished at work this year. We often let our professional accomplishments go unnoticed. #5: What was the latest new memory you created? We live in a time where we get to capture moments in pictures, videos, or other digital ways. Look back on your recent pictures and re-live the beautiful moments you have had. #6: What was the last very delicious meal you ate? Food is one of the highlights of my life. It might just be me, but it makes me happy when I think of good things that I have gotten to eat. #7: What was the last fun activity that you did? Doing something you really enjoy is a great way to evoke happy feelings. Think about a great time you had recently. #8: What new thing have you learned lately? Growing and learning new skills are necessary to live the amazing lives we desire. I am always excited when I acquire a new skill or a life lesson. Adding knowledge to my toolkit helps me prepare for the future. #9: What was the last thing you did to celebrate yourself? It is very easy to remember to celebrate with others and forget about yourself. I have always admired people who made it a point to celebrate all of their milestones. It could be a birthday, promotion, anniversary, or other pivotal moments in your life. Think about how you felt when you celebrated yourself. #10: When was the last time you were your authentic self? Being our authentic selves makes us happy and feel fulfilled. Celebrate the moments when you were true to yourself. You are who you were destined to be. Final Thoughts - MC's Story Writing this blog post reminded me of the amazing things that have happened in my life this year. I am very grateful for all the "highlights" and great memories. My life is far from perfect. However, it is filled with many happy moments and memories. The next time that I am feeling down. I will come back to this post and ask myself these questions.  Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mothers and caregivers!!! Being a mother has been one of the journeys in my life that have turned out to be better than I could have ever imagined. Getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term was scary to me initially due to my prior health history. The interesting turns continued with having a baby during a global pandemic. Now I have a toddler who is discovering the world. I am very grateful for all my experiences.
In this blog post, I will share ten questions that I reflect on very often about motherhood. This is only the start of a great learning life-long journey. How has being a mother changed my identity? The concept of motherhood is beyond the point when the child joins the family. Over my pregnancy and the 18 months of my son's life, I have reflected on how motherhood has changed who I am. While the code of who I am and my values have not changed, and my perspective has shifted significantly. What does being a good mother mean? One thought that keeps me going is that I am the best mother for my son. We both get to define our relationship, learn from each other and grow. The image of a perfect mother does not exist because our journeys are different. I have seen that even my twin sister is s very different mother to her children. Can I be a good working mother? As far as I can remember, my mum worked and cared for my sister and me in my childhood. I have been fortunate to see working mothers who have successful careers and are excellent caregivers. This is the path that I have chosen for myself, and I am extremely fulfilled by being able to work on building a successful career and growing my family. How do I avoid the pressures of motherhood? For my mental health, I try not to put myself in a place where I feel I have to be like someone else. After I had my son, I stopped reading posts and articles from mothers who portrayed perfection. I struggled with breastfeeding my baby and felt judged by what I was reading. Shutting out those external stressors made my life much better. Everything you read, watch, or listen to is a snapshot of someone's life that they choose to share with you. What is one thing that keeps me going? My son is one of my biggest motivators. I want to give him all he needs to live a happy, kind, and fulfilled life. I have always been self-motivated and driven to do my best. However, now more than ever, I know why I am working hard at accomplishing my goals. What is my favorite part of being a mum? When I feel like the world stops and everything is perfect, my son smiles at me. In those moments, I am reminded that our son lives a great life and is happy. What more can I want beyond knowing that he is being who he was destined to be. Who are my "tribe" on this motherhood journey? Having a baby during a pandemic made our circle very small. We spent the first year of our son's life mostly indoors. My husband has been a strong partner on this parenthood journey. We both jumped right into caring for our family to the best of our abilities. I have learned a lot from my mum, sister, aunties, friends, and the great women in my life. What am I currently learning? I am learning to accept that my situation is unique and have given myself the grace to be flexible. I have to do some things in this phase of my life as a mother and career. Instead of seeking balance, I am accepting that some things might need to be prioritized higher than others at certain times. What do I need to unlearn? Many mothers will tell you about the guilt that plagues them because they think they are falling short of the standard of a good mother. I wonder who set the expectations of what motherhood should be like. There are a lot of variables that make all of our experiences different. Getting rid of the guilt is the only way for us to find happiness and be content. What do I want to do more of? The last 18 months have been an awesome journey, and I am excited about the future. I want to build many more happy memories with my family. Having fun is not something that comes easy to me, and I know that I need to be very intentional about enjoying life. I am committed to savoring every moment we spend together as a family. Final Thoughts I feel very fortunate to have a little human who I get to watch grow. Every day of motherhood is a gift. Some days are challenging, and we need to make difficult decisions. However, there is a lot of joy on this journey to becoming the mother I am meant to be.  Over my lifetime, I have had the privilege of living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Twenty-one years ago, when I moved to Germany and started my experience as an immigrant, I had no idea where I would be. My journey has had many highs and lows. I know for certain that this is the life I was meant to be living and would not change it for anything. In this blog post, I will share five ways being an immigrant impacted my life. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Allowed me to see more of the world Since I left Nigeria in 2001, I have been fortunate to visit ten countries on four continents. Growing up in Kaduna, a city in northern Nigeria, everything that I knew about the world was what I saw on TV. Seeing the world's beauty, learning about new cultures, and eating good food has made my journey amazing. I am looking forward to other countries that I will get to see over the next years. Made me independent and taught me to work for what I want Leaving home at the age of 15, I had to grow up very quickly and make decisions independently. I learned a lot by being brave and learning from my mistakes. My upbringing prepared me a little for the challenges I faced. When I hear people talk about things they inherited or have gotten without working for, I wonder what it feels like. Over the years, I have had to work very hard to get financial stability, achieve professional success, and live my life. I now know that if I want something, I can work towards it, and I do not need to wait for someone to make it possible for me. Helped me own my identity My cultural identity was something I was unsure of growing up in Nigeria. I was born in Germany to a Nigerian single mother, spent my childhood in Nigeria, and moved to Germany when I was 15. Not knowing my German roots always raised questions in my childhood. When I moved to Germany, I embraced my Nigerian identity, especially the food. Years later, when I moved to the US, I celebrated my German culture. I can now confidently say that I am German-Nigerian. Taught me how to adapt to change When I was younger, my response to the question about what one of my weaknesses was to say that I was scared of change. After 21 years of constant change, I now know that I am very resilient and adapt very well to new situations. I have lost count of the number of times that things changed in my life. I have experienced multiple transitions from moving to new homes, changing jobs, meeting new people, and settling into new countries. I have become very used to change and no longer fear the impact of life changes. Changed the trajectory of my life Looking back on my childhood and humble beginnings, life was very different from how things are now. Being an immigrant has given me the greatest life that I could never have imagined I would have. Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I did not leave Nigeria to start a new life in Germany and then also when I moved to the US years later. The last 21 years have made me my best self. Final Thoughts There are many aspects of my journey that I have taken for granted. Reflecting on the ways my life has changed reminded me of how strong all my experiences have made me.   In our lives, we experience many ups and downs. I have realized that it is very easy to stay motivated when things are going well. However, it is challenging to keep being motivated when unexpected things happen or when you feel stressed with everything going on in your life. To thrive and live our best lives, we need to develop strategies to maintain our motivation irrespective of what we are going through.
In this blog post, we will explore ways to motivate ourselves in all of life's circumstances. Recognize the power you have over your motivation A lot of us look outside for people or things that motivate us. Being dependent on extrinsic motivators makes you give up the power you have. I believe that you can motivate yourself and do not need to wait for other people. The ability to notice when I am demotivated, discover the root cause, and then take action to restore my motivation makes me feel empowered. Strategies to consider
Remind yourself of the good that is happening in your life A recent conversation with a friend reminded me of this point. When you feel stuck and demotivated, you tend to focus on things that are not going well in your life. I have found that when I intentionally redirect my focus and think about positive things, it helps me feel motivated again. The exercise of reflecting on my accomplishments over a period of time helps shift my perspective. Writing them down helps me visualize and count my blessings. Strategies to consider
Strategize and create a plan One of the ways to renew your motivation is to mentally unblock yourself from your state of feeling stuck and demotivated. When you start planning for the future, your mind focuses on things that are to come, and you are filled with hope. It helps you look past whatever is not going well and helps you see your future clearer. Planning concrete action steps is a way to reclaim your power. Strategies to consider
Do something different When you make changes in your routine, it allows you to explore new things. You might be feeling demotivated because life has become predictable. It might be time to try new things and change something in your life. Strategies to consider
Find inspiration We all need to find things that keep us excited and hopeful. I was talking to someone recently who had just attended a conference, and she spoke about the impact that the experience had on her day. She shared that she felt a new sense of excitement and motivation. Being inspired will definitely increase your motivation. Strategies to consider
Final Thoughts Life is a lot more fun when we are motivated to do the things we need to accomplish our goals and live out our dreams. Let's do what we can to restore and maintain our motivation. Time to reflect
 To accomplish the bold goals we have planned, we need to guard our time and resources. One of the topics that I have been reflecting on recently is that I have been a little lax with the boundaries that I set, especially around my time. After completing my goals review for the first quarter of this year, I realized that I need to make some changes. At the start of the year, I had identified the need to limit my work hours. However, as the year progressed, I was still overworking. It is something I really want to change in the coming months. The insights gathered have led me to reevaluate the boundaries I need to set to accomplish my goals.
In this blog post, we will discuss the importance of setting boundaries and the areas where we need them. Why is it important to set boundaries There are multiple benefits of setting boundaries and guarding things we care about, including:
How can we set boundaries and thrive The first step to setting boundaries is thinking about different areas of your life where you want to make changes and evaluating what boundaries you would like to set. One of my guiding thoughts around boundaries is that I will do everything I can to free up my mind and resources to focus on things that will help me accomplish my goals. Set boundaries with your family and friends The people we love are more likely than others to overstep boundaries that we set. I am a strong believer that we need to tell people how we want to be treated in order to have healthy relationships. Setting boundaries with family and friends is one of the most challenging things, as we typically want to avoid hurting their feelings. It is crucial to see setting boundaries as a commitment to take good care of yourself. Questions to consider
Set boundaries at work Especially since we spend so much time at work, it is essential to set boundaries there. The pandemic caused many lines between our work and lives to become very blurry. It takes a lot of intentional action to set the boundaries that we need to avoid overworking. Questions to consider
Set boundaries around your finances To accomplish your financial goals, you will need to be intentional and disciplined about how you spend your money. I had seen my finances grow the most when I focused on saving and making wise investments. It is essential to say no to spending my money on things that don't help me build wealth. Sometimes it involves me saying no to people, which is uncomfortable. I remind myself of what I am working on accomplishing in my finances in those situations. Questions to consider
Final Thoughts It is very easy to let go of your boundaries. However, the effect on our well-being and growth is very significant. Setting and maintaining your boundaries is an excellent commitment to yourself. Time to Reflect
 We all have to have difficult conversations in many aspects of our lives. They are critical to building relationships, having successful careers, and living a great life. I wish there were easy ways to master these conversations and make them less painful. Like with most things in our lives, when we can learn to handle difficult conversations in a better way.
In this blog post, I will share some things I am learning about handling difficult conversations. It is still a journey that I am still on. Reflect on past difficult conversations you have had We have all had a lot of difficult conversations over our lifetime. Some are easier to navigate than others. There are many things we can learn about ourselves if we take the time to reflect on how the conversations went. Most of the time, I find myself doing everything in my power to try to forget the conversation versus reflecting on the critical lessons that I could take away from them. I have learned that I do not like leaving a conversation feeling like I could not get my point across or defend my perspective. I am working on this by learning strategies to handle those feelings better. Strategies to consider
Be prepared for the conversation It is crucial to prepare yourself, especially with conversations that might have different outcomes than expected. It is mostly about you plotting a plan for yourself. I write some notes about the topic we are discussing and use that to prepare my mind before the conversation. Another thing that helps me is to get someone else's perspective or advice. You will handle the conversation better if you go in prepared rather than let your emotions take over at the moment. Strategies to consider
Focus on the actual conversation One of the crucial things that make difficult conversations better is being present and listening to what is being said. Often in my mind, I have built a whole movie about the conversation, what the person might be insinuating, and the impact of the discussion afterward. This makes the conversation even bigger and more complicated than it needs to be. Listening to what they are saying is always a better route to take. I struggle with this point and would like to practice my deep listening skills. Instead of focusing on formulating my response while people are speaking, I want to listen to understand and not to respond. Strategies to consider
Recap the conversation afterwards We can all learn something from conversations, irrespective of how they go. Spending a few minutes thinking about how the conversation went will give you some great insights. Thinking through good discussions can help build your confidence. You have the opportunity to recap what you did during the conversation. You can use your notes as a reference for the next time you have a difficult conversation. And if the conversation did not go well, use the opportunity to offload the things from your mind and get closure. Strategies to consider
Be kind to yourself I have come out of conversations and beat myself up for weeks afterwards because I wished I did or said things differently. Even when conversations go well, sometimes there is still a strange feeling or thought about how we may have wanted to do things differently. Going over conversations over and over is not very helpful for our minds. Especially overthinkers like me, we often struggle with letting go. Strategies to consider
Final Thoughts Handling difficult conversations well is a skill that needs work to build. If you feel like running away from difficult conversations, you are not alone. We all have to keep practicing to get more comfortable. Great Resources  Over the last 21 years, I have had many experiences as an immigrant in Germany and the US. I recently talked with someone who had immigrated to the US, and we shared our common experiences. It is amazing to see how many things we have in common because we have lived in a different country than the ones we were born in.
In this blog post, I will share the ten things that are part of my life as an Immigrant and how I handle them. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. Being affected by unrest in the world With everything going on around the world, my heart goes out to people who are affected in the regions and those in the diaspora who are watching from afar. With every news story about bad things happening, it feels very personal. I know how it feels to worry about peace in the world and the impact on people you know. How do I handle it?
Missing key family milestones Our family recently grew by one member, and I could not be there in person. Recently, I recalled how many family celebrations I have had to watch from afar. I have gotten used to being too far away to celebrate key milestones with my extended family. How do I handle it?
Not understanding the jokes and references Whenever someone uses a cultural or historical reference that I do not understand, I am reminded that I am an immigrant. There are many things that people ask me about Nigeria, Germany, or the US that I do not know. Every day, someone mentions something about the country I am in that is new to me. How do I handle it?
Missing some of your favorite food If you read my blogs, you know how much I miss German bread. Someone talked about bread at a gathering that I was visiting lately, and I was already excited about eating great bread. When I moved to Germany, I still remember that I did not know where to find ingredients to make Nigerian food. We have definitely come a long way with the availability of food items from different countries. How do I handle it?
Getting a visa and other immigration documents Sitting in the offices of the immigration officers who get to decide if you can stay in a country, is a very humbling experience. No matter how many times you have been in that situation, there is always a small thought in your mind wondering if this is the time you get denied a stay in a country and would have to leave. How do I handle it?
Being asked where you are from Interestingly the question I get asked the most is, "where are you from." I have gotten very used to the question and know how to distinguish the intent behind the question. Most of the time, people are curious because they hear a different accent when I talk, and other times people want to make me feel like I don't belong. Fortunately, I have received more of the questions asked with positive intent. How do I handle it?
Disconnecting from your social network Every time I talk to someone who grew up on the same city or country that they currently live in, I wonder what it is like. I have lived in 3 countries and many different cities, which has made me lose touch with the people I spent some time with. Social media has helped me keep in touch with some people I grew up with, but the connection is certainly not the same. How do I handle it?
Having to create a new home often One of the advantages of being an immigrant and living in different places is that you develop the skills to create a home where you find yourself. Over the years, I have learned not to be attached to a physical location and to find happiness wherever I am. When I moved to the US, I was able to leverage the lessons I learned living in Germany. And now, I have built home my own little family. How do I handle it?
Not having some privileges or access to resources When I was studying in Germany, I wished that I had access to other students' financial resources. It would have made my life much easier. There is a long list of other privileges that Immigrants do not know about or have access to. How do I handle it?
Understanding the experiences of other Immigrants There is something very powerful about being different and having experienced being the "only" or a minority. It makes you more sensitive to the experiences of others whose lives are different from majority groups. Honestly, being an immigrant has made me kinder and more respectful of people. How do I handle it?
Final Thoughts My experiences as an immigrant have made me a better human. I am very grateful to everyone on my journey that has been my companion. I am living the amazing life that I want to be living.  In 2022, I am committed to sharing tools that have helped me thrive in my personal and professional life. One of the tools that have significantly impacted my professional journey is career coaching. Until a few years ago, I did not know it was for me. I worked with a career coach when I moved to the US, and five years later, I just completed six months of working with another coach.
In this blog post, I will share some of my experiences and lessons learned from working with career coaches. My goal is to help you see that this is a tool that is also accessible and can be beneficial to you. What is a Career Coach, and when does it make sense to work with one? Career coaches provide a range of services, from helping you figure out what you want to do to explore opportunities for professional growth to supporting you through the ups and downs of looking for a new job. In my experience, you can work with a coach at any time on your professional journey. If you are planning to keep growing, exploring new things, and taking on new opportunities, working with a coach will help set you up for success. What were my goals when I worked with a Career Coach? Interestingly the two times that I have worked with a career coach, I was in very different places in my career and had vastly different needs.
How did I approach my search for a Coach? As I have progressed in my career, I have become more intentional about planning and preparing for the moves I make. Before I started my search for a Coach, I thought about what I wanted to work on with them. I had three goals that I have wanted to accomplish. The actual search for a Coach was different the first time. While taking professional certification classes at UC Berkeley, one of the professors mentioned that she was a coach. We had an introductory call where I learned about her work, decided it was a fit, and we worked together for about six months. My second coaching experience was part of a program at work where we partnered with a company that had coaches in their Network. I was able to select my preferences and was offered a pool of coaches to choose from. Some of the things I look for in a coach include:
How to make the best of your coaching experience
What did I get out of my coaching experiences? Working with a coach has helped me grow professionally. Some of the outcomes of coaching include:
Final Thoughts I recently talked to one of my colleagues, and she shared that she never thought working with a coach was for her. It got me thinking about how hesitant I was to work with a coach initially and how much my investment has paid off. If you are unsure if coaching is for you, test it and see. A lot of coaches offer info sessions where you can learn more. Coaching is a tool that has helped me a lot, and I hope you will take advantage of it. Great Resources
Time for reflection
 One of the greatest tools to help us accomplish our goals is learning. We need to learn and develop new skills to achieve our bold goals. As I have progressed in my Life and Career, learning has contributed to my success. I am a strong believer in continuous learning and have enjoyed adding knowledge and new skills to my toolkit.
In this blog post, we will explore five ways to make learning a part of your life. For more tips and resources, check out some of my previous posts on learning at the end of this post. Set learning goals every year We need to be very intentional about learning and building new skills. It takes planning and scheduling time actually to make it happen. When I plan my goals every year, I identify three new things that I want to learn and work towards them. My learning goals are typically geared towards developing skills that I do not have but know that I need to succeed professionally and personally. The process of planning what I want to learn excites and empowers me. Questions to consider
Find learning formats that work for you We all learn in different ways, and it is crucial to know how you learn best and go for them. I really enjoy learning from other people's experiences, taking formal trainings, and I also learn through teaching others. When I set my learning goals, I plan for trainings, podcasts, or books that will help me. Questions to consider
Find your learning community Having accountability partners is crucial to maintaining your learning mindset and accomplishing your learning. Knowing that you have people around you who support and encourage you to stick to your learning goals increases your chances of achieving them. I feel fortunate to have a community of people who enjoy learning and work towards their own goals. They provide me with motivation and support while I continue my learning journey. Questions to consider
Share what you learned In my experience, one way to amplify your learning is to share what you learned with others. Whenever I learn something new, I make it a point to write a quick summary and share it with people around me. Professionally, I get to share my knowledge with my team and mentees. In my private life, this blog is an amazing medium for me to share my learnings as well. It is great to be able to deepen my learning by sharing with others. Questions to consider
Continue learning To thrive and accomplish all our goals, we have a lot of learning to do. It is crucial for us always to be learning something new. Unlike when we were studying for degrees, we get to choose what we learn, when, and how. There are so many great resources available to support us on our learning journey. Questions to consider
Final Thoughts This year my professional learning goals are to develop my skills around leading teams and impact programs at scale, driving sustainable organizational culture change. And in my personal life, I want to learn about storytelling and writing a book. I am very excited to learn awesome things this year and continue growing. Call to Action
Great Resources  This year has been going by very quickly. I think I say this every year. However, I still cannot believe it's been three months already. So much has happened in such a little amount of time. It is highly crucial not to lose sight of our goals with everything going on in our lives. A quarterly review is one of the amazing tools to help you stay on track.
In this blog post, we will complete a quarterly review with the help of 10 questions, and I will share an update on my top goals. Check out my other "Her Plan" posts for additional tips and resources to help you accomplish your goals and live your best life. 10 Questions for your intentional quarterly goals review Making time to reflect on the past three months will help you accomplish your goals. The exercise will provide you with information on how you're doing and insights on what to focus on for the following months. Some great questions to help you take stock of where you are compared to your plan include the following:
MCs Journey - Q1 2022 Goals Check-in 2022 has been a very busy year for me so far. Starting this year, I knew that I would have a lot going on in the first six months. However, I did not realize how much I would be juggling and its impact on me. Reflecting on my goals for the year, I have made progress on some and not on others. Generally, I am very thankful for where I am today. This year, I have learned that I need to pace myself not to burn out. Let's check in on my progress towards my top goals for 2022:
Final Thoughts Quarterly check-ins are a great opportunity to reflect on the progress you have made, celebrate your accomplishments, and plan for the upcoming months. We have nine more months to have a great 2022. Stay hopeful and take action towards accomplishing your goals. Call to Action
 Happy International Women's Day to all you amazing Women!!! The theme for this year is "Break the Bias." Imagine a gender-equal world. A world free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination. A world that's diverse, equitable, and inclusive. A world where difference is valued and celebrated. Together we can forge women's equality. Collectively we can all #BreakTheBias.
Being a woman is a crucial part of my identity and then layer on, being an immigrant black woman in Tech, people often do not know what to expect when they set me. I have been on the receiving end of many stereotypes based on people's perception of what someone that looks or sounds like me should be. Starting Point: What is Bias?
The first time I noticed bias growing up In Nigeria, where I spent my childhood, there were very strong gender norms. Women were expected to be primarily supporters of men and not be vocal. In most conversations, people reminded us of how important it was to be someone's wife and hardly any conversations about becoming the person you were destined to be. I was fortunate to grow up around women who defied the expectations of "what a woman could do." However, I knew society's expectations for me as a girl child. Deep inside, I always knew that I wanted to be a whole person and not be invisible. This led to a constant battle with who I am versus how I was expected to act. My experience with bias in a professional setting After graduating from university, I had no idea what I would experience when I began my career. I was very fortunate to start a job where I had a lot of responsibilities and a growth path. Most of the bias that I experienced had to do with a combination of my identities as a black woman. Especially at client visits, people expected the person in charge to be someone other than me. I did not fit the picture they expected of an experienced program manager. How I deal with bias My life experiences have made me very resilient. I learned not to let people's thoughts or stereotypes define me. My identity and self-confidence do not change because someone else sees me differently. I see experiencing bias as an opportunity to share my experiences with people to provide a different perspective. And more importantly, I have learned to move on quickly. How I am paying it forward Being on the receiving end of bias has made me very aware of the bias that others are experiencing. In my role as Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Program Manager today, I build strategy, plan, and lead programs that train people on how to be inclusive and respectful of others from many backgrounds. I feel very fortunate to be able to support others actively. Final Thoughts There is something very empowering about seeing women who have succeeded against all odds. All the women who have faced bias and still done great things - are heroes. Call to Action: What can we all do? We all play a very active role in making our world more equitable. Here are five things we can all do:
 My life experiences living in multiple countries have shaped me significantly. Over the past months, I have reflected on my amazing journey over the past 21 years. It has been very empowering to remember all that I have been through, my accomplishments, the amazing relationships, and the places I have been. In this blog post, I will share the factors that made my experiences different and the lessons I learned. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. First trip to Nigeria In 2006, my sister and I traveled back to Nigeria to see our mom. It had been five tough years of living and surviving in Germany. I worked hard to save the money for our tickets and still remember the excitement we felt as we packed our bags. Interestingly, my memories are mostly centered around the people we spent time with when we returned to Kaduna, the city we grew up in. I still remember sitting with our Grandma, who was very surprised and happy to see us. We also spent some valuable time with some of our childhood friends. When we were living, I was hoping we would visit more often. What did I learn?
A summer to remember I spent the summer of 2006 in England as a nanny for a family I met in my first year in Germany. After a few months of living in Germany, I met the mom on a train ride, and we bonded immediately. Having a friend who spoke English was special. Once she had her daughter, I babysat her before they moved back to the UK. This was actually the first income that I made in Germany. Fast-forward to when I spent the summer with them in Northern England years later. Taking care of a five-year-old over the summer was a lot of fun. However, I had no idea what the time away from Germany would do to me. This was the first time I re-evaluated where I was in life, and I realized I had to make some changes. What did I learn?
Trying times When I returned to Germany from Nigeria and England in 2006, things started unraveling very quickly. I knew that I had to make some tough choices. The first choice I made was to change the university course I was studying, which meant I had to move to a new city. I had an immense feeling of failure that stemmed from the fact that I expected to have completed my studies after being in Germany for six years, but I was far from it. Looking back, that was one of the pivotal moments that changed the trajectory of my life for good. What did I learn?
A year of significant changes One common theme was between my sixth year living in Germany and the US. In 2006, I made the major decision to change my university course and move to a new city. In 2020, the world was changed by a global pandemic, and my life was changed as I became a first-time mom. While the changes in both years were significant, I was in a much better place in 2020. The main difference was that I was surrounded with love, financially and professionally stable. That made my experience with significant change more pleasant. What did I learn?
Living through chaos Going through the first year of a global pandemic meant that we were mostly at home. I was very grateful that I was in a place where I was comfortable and could continue living my life with all the chaos happening in the world. It made me reflect on other phases of my life where I felt uncomfortable in my skin and home. Another great thing in my life was that I was in a very happy relationship which made the time at home enjoyable. What did I learn?
MC's Moment of Reflection The person I was in 2006 was very different from who I was in 2020. However, my journey had a similar theme; I was going through many life changes. In 2006, I had hit a "wall" and was not making progress. Compared to 2020, I was progressing and entering an amazing phase in life. As I wrote this post, I was overcome with gratitude for how far I have come on my relocation journey.   When people ask us what we want to improve ourselves, a long list of things comes to mind quickly. On the other hand, when we are asked what we love about ourselves, we need to dig deeper to discover what we like about ourselves. I have been on a journey of self-acceptance over the past few years. My strengths and flaws make me the unique person that I am. Accepting them has helped me feel whole and happier. I started seeing myself as a complete person with multiple facets.
In this blog post, we will explore how self-acceptance changes our outlook on life. This post continues our February series on loving ourselves. Starting point: What does self-acceptance mean?
The benefits of accepting ourselves Many great things happen once we start the journey of self-acceptance. #1: We are more confident Knowing and accepting your strengths and weaknesses changes how you see yourself. You exude a high level of confidence in who you are. Although you know you are not perfect, you are perfectly fine with it. #2: We know that failure or weaknesses do not define us With our flaws, it is crucial to know that they are one aspect of who we are but not the entirety of our identity. We spend so much time focusing on our flaws and allowing them to overshadow our good traits. You are a whole person that has a lot of good to offer. #3: We accept others more One of the biggest challenges we face in relationships is wishing people to change and become more like a mental image of them. After we accept ourselves, it is very easy to accept others for who they are. We don't expect perfection from others and appreciate their whole beings. #4: We are kind to ourselves When we stop wishing we were someone else and accept who we are, we show ourselves more compassion. Our self-talk changes from constant critique to being more understanding and kind to ourselves. We focus more on our strengths and are not as hard on ourselves. #5: We live to our full potential Believing that you are who you were meant to give your newfound energy. You go through life with a sense of positivity and hope. This change in perspective will fuel your life and help you accomplish more. Final Thoughts - MC's Journey A few years ago, I realized that self-acceptance is a gift that only I can give myself. I had gone through most of my life desiring traits that I saw in others. The constant thought of needing to get rid of my flaws to live a good life consumed my mind. It felt like I would never be the "perfect" person that I desired to be. One of the turning points was when I started spending more time getting to know my strengths. I felt energized by focusing on my strengths and celebrated who I was more. My perspective changed from thinking that my flaws defined me to embrace every aspect of my being. Time for Reflection What aspect of yourself do you want to accept? How will you remind yourself to accept who you are daily? How will you celebrate who you are? |
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