 From time to time, I write posts about topics that I am currently working on, and this is one of them. Recently, I have been thinking about the state of my relationships and friendships over the past years. The people in my life have been companions, advisors, cheerleaders, and supporters on my journey. One of my latest realizations is that I am missing human connections and need to make a change.
In this blog post, we will discuss five strategies to build and maintain healthy relationships with people we love and care about. #1: Think about the relationships that are important to you We all have people who have played a crucial role in our lives. Especially at times when you are yearning for more connection, it helps to think about the people you already have on your side. My circle is very small, and I can tell you the significant role that everyone plays in my life. Most of them have been my friends for a very long time. Questions to consider
#2: Reflect on what is working or not working in your relationships Now that you have a list of the relationships you care about, now is an excellent time to reflect on the strengths and areas of improvement. It can be very easy to take our relationships for granted and not think about what we can do to improve them. Questions to consider
#3: Analyze what is standing in the way of you building the types of relationships you want and need As we get busy or go through life, we can neglect the relationships that matter. One of the lessons that I have learned through my reflection on my relationships is that I am not dedicating enough time to my relationships. Many things have a hold on my time in this phase in my life, sadly leading to me dedicating less time to connect with people around me. Questions to consider
#4: Make a list of changes you want to make Healthy relationships take being intentional and work. We can make some changes to have the best relationships with the people we care about. Questions to consider
#5: Make commitments and take action Now is a great time to invest in your relationships and make the changes you identified. The truth is we will always be busy; it will take us making time for relationships with people that are close to us. Questions to consider
Final Thoughts The people around us contribute significantly to our mental and emotional well-being. I realized I do not have a solid social network in the US. Although I've been living here for seven years, most of my close friends and support network are from my time in Germany and Nigeria. The truth is that I don't make time and have become less social. My task over the next weeks is to reconnect with people I care about and plan for more opportunities to meet new people. Call to Action Tell three people in your life how much you appreciate them over the next two weeks.
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 Talking about finances is one of the topics I am learning to be more comfortable doing. Our finances play a major role in enabling us to live the amazing lives we want. Yet, many of us shy away from talking about our accomplishments and challenges regarding money.
In this post, we will explore the ten things we should all know about our money to thrive financially. Check out my other "Her Finances" posts for more financial tips and resources. #1: Do you have a good relationship with money? Our background and experiences influence our relationship with money in life. Until a few years ago, I never thought that we all have a relationship with money that goes back to our childhood. I took time to reflect on my first lessons about money and how they influenced my view as a grown-up. I now know that fear was one of the feelings that hindered my financial growth. Learning and talking about Resources #2: Are your finances healthy? We can thing about our finances as an area of our lives that can be healthy or unhealthy. If you are living above your means, in debt, and unaware of your financial status, your finances are not whole. It is crucial to overcome your fear and know your financial status. I have learned that ignoring financial challenges makes it worse. Checking in on our finances often will help you set a great foundation to grow your finances. Resources #3: What is on your financial vision board? Dreaming about our financial future inspired us to continue working towards our goals. I was always impressed when I heard people talk about their vision boards and what they wanted to have in life. About three years ago, I built my first vision board that included my financial dreams. For someone like me who likes to have concrete plans, dreaming of the future took a lot of effort to dream of the future. I now enjoy adding things to my financial vision board. Resources #4: Do you know the areas of your finances where you need to do better? Learning from our mistakes and making better financial decisions is a part of adulting. The most crucial part is identifying where we need to make changes to improve our financial status. In my early years living in Germany, I had no funds saved in an emergency fund. One lesson I learned was that saving money needed to be something I did monthly to get the discipline I needed. My latest financial lesson has been about growing my finances by building multiple income sources. Resources #5: What good money habits and actions will help you accomplish your financial goals? Implementing the learnings that we gathered to achieve our financial goals is a necessary step for us to take. This is a good time to take stock of your good practices. I have found that good money habits such as saving, budgeting, and investing have helped me achieve financial independence. Resources #6: Are you learning about how to grow your finances? The first step to achieving financial independence is to set a solid foundation by knowing your status, paying debt, living within your means, and saving. The next step is to explore how you can grow your finances and develop wealth. The strategy that I started learning about a few years ago was investing. I am honestly still learning about how to grow my wealth. Resources #7: Do you plan your expenses and income? Knowing how much you bring in and where your money goes monthly is crucial to building a solid financial foundation. I hear from people that budgeting seems complex and that they don't have one. I recommend starting simple by writing down your income and subtracting your expenses from it. You can then subtract what you would need to pay monthly to get out of debt and also how much you want to save. Once you have done that, you will have a solid budget that you can work from. Resources #8: How are you investing in yourself Over the years, I have learned that I need to be comfortable investing in myself. Part of my money journey has been giving myself the freedom to spend money on myself. As someone who why hyper-focused on saving my money, I needed to identify what I wanted to spend my money on and do it. Resources #9: How are you going to learn about finances? There are so many great experts out there who know a lot about finances. I take every opportunity I get to soak in financial knowledge from people skilled at growing their money. It's great that we have access to books, podcasts, or even the opportunity to work directly with a financial advisor. Resources #10: What are your financial goals? We need to have financial goals to continue to have healthy finances and grow. I set new financial plans at the start of every year. It helps me focus on continuing to be financially independent and build wealth. I look forward to learning a lot as I accomplish my goals. Resources Final Thoughts Writing blog posts about finances reminds me of how far I have come and how much more there is still to be done on this journey. I want everyone around me to thrive financially and get comfortable talking about money. Let's all build wealth together.  Recently, I have been reflecting on who I am and my purpose in life. So many things in life lead to us feeling like we no longer know who we are and what we care about. Over the last two years, many of our lives have changed drastically, and many things are no longer the same. In addition to the things happening in the world, some of us have gone through other changes, such as becoming new parents, gaining professional success, gaining financial independence, or experiencing loss. We have all been through much more changes than we were used to. With the changes could come a sense of feeling like you don't know who you are and have lost your sense of self.
In this blog post, we will explore how to deal with the feeling of losing yourself. How are you feeling? Acknowledging your feelings is very important. We go through life so quickly and are often not in touch with our deepest feelings. Then once we know what we are feeling, it's important not to judge ourselves and accept how we are feeling. Strategies to consider
Who are you now? We are not the same person we were two years ago. Part of feeling that you are lost is not being in touch with who you are. Take the time to rediscover who you are now, what you like, and your dreams and aspirations. Strategies to consider
What are new things that you want to explore? We all change and evolve on our life journeys. Instead of yearning for what excited us in the past, it is time to think about the new things that will bring you joy. Along with discovering your new self, take time to get excited about the future. Strategies to consider
How will you make time for yourself? There are so many people and things that are competing for our attention. It takes much more work to find time for ourselves. I realized that everyone's definition of making time for themselves differs. Strategies to consider
How will you celebrate your awesomeness? The truth is that you are who you were meant to be, and you are awesome. Not celebrating who you are and the journey you have been on makes you feel lost. Permit yourself to be your authentic self. Strategies to consider
Final Thoughts: MC's journey Over the last two and a half years, I have gone through pregnancy, had a baby, lived through a pandemic, worked hard, accomplished professional success, being a mum and wife. With all the significant life changes and added responsibilities, I have not had much time to focus on myself. Life is good, and I'm making progress. However, I feel like I need to be in touch with my feelings, dreams, and desires more. Before the pandemic, I had a planning day once every quarter, where I went to the library to prepare for the quarter ahead. It helped me revisit my goals, evaluate my progress, and learn from areas where I was not accomplishing what I planned. The alone time really helped me sit with my thoughts.  2022 has been a very intense year for many people worldwide. The list of things that are going wrong seems quite long. Living in these times has a real impact on our mental health and outlook on our future. I have been more intentional about making sure my mind is healthy and that I am hopeful for the future.
In this blog post, we will explore things we can do to regain hope and stay optimistic. Focus on things that are going well It is very easy to see and think about the things that are going wrong. We need to be more intentional about taking stock of things that are going well. Our minds do not automatically do this, and practice is required to make it easier. Questions to consider
Surround yourself with positive people The people around us play a very important role in helping us have a more positive outlook on life. We all know people who either uplift us or dampen our mood. It is crucial to be mindful of your relationships as they influence your view and emotional wellbeing. Questions to consider
Take charge of your emotional wellbeing Often it feels like we do not have control of our happiness and mental wellbeing. We let people and things happening around us determine how we feel. Over the past years, I have reclaimed control of my happiness. It led me on the journey of discovering what affects or increases my joy. Questions to consider
Make Changes and Take Action It is one thing to know what affects your happiness and another to do something about it. I noticed that watching the news made me anxious and made me feel sad about the world. One concrete action I had to take was to cut out the news from my daily routine. It is crucial to make changes that will help you stay happy. Questions to consider
Add more positive influences to your life With all the negative things going on in our world, it is crucial for us to add more positivity to our lives. We can prioritize creating moments that bring us joy and laughter. This year, we had a great time with our family and are making an effort to enjoy the beautiful things in life. Questions to consider
Final Thoughts The other day, I was reflecting on the times we live in and the fact that I cannot remember a time when so many negative things were happening at once. It is definitely an unprecedented time, and we need to do things differently. Take charge of your happiness and enjoy life !!!  On August 9th, 2001, at age 15, I boarded a flight from Lagos, Nigeria, to Frankfurt, Germany. It was the start of my now 21-year journey of living abroad. It feels like such a huge milestone that deserves to be celebrated. My experiences over the past years have shaped who I am and changed the trajectory of my life for the better. In this blog post, I will reflect on the pivotal moments in my life over the past 21 years of living abroad. Check out my other Her Relocation blog posts about my experiences living in Nigeria, Germany, and the US. 2001: Starting a new life Moving from Nigeria to Germany was the start of my new life. I was excited and did not know what to expect. I had visited Germany the year before I moved for a few weeks, but everything was still foreign to me. Although I was born in Germany and spoke German in my very early years, I knew nothing about what it meant to live there. And to top it all, I was moving alone without my sister or mum. 2002: Becoming Homeless One of the moments that shocked my system was not having my own accommodation for over six months in Germany. Luckily I was able to sleep on my friend's couch while I saved to be able to afford my place. I was babysitting to make ends meet and needed some time to move eventually. 2003: New beginnings In early 2003, my sister moved to Germany, and we moved out into our own. I started working at my first part-time job in Germany to pay for my sister and me to live our lives. Although we didn't have enough, we were satisfied with our lives. I still remember us spending time in our tiny hostel room. 2004: Getting my footing I felt like after my rocky start; I was finally making progress in my life. The first two years were spent learning German and setting the foundation to study in Germany. I was finally able to start studying for my official first degree. During my studies, I worked part-time. 2005: Living life as much as I could Although things were better for me, I felt stuck. I was working part-time jobs to pay our bills and had my own small apartment, but I was not progressing in the course I was studying. I was trying everything I could to make it all work. 2006: Going back home I returned to Nigeria for the first time in five years since I moved to Germany. In addition, I got to spend the summer in the UK. This led me to reevaluate where I was in life, and I decided to make a scary move. I moved from Saarbrucken, where I had lived for almost five years, to Trier. Although it was only an hour away, I left my social network behind and had to start afresh. 2007: Restarting my life Moving to Trier was the 2nd time I had a fresh start in Germany. I remember sitting in my new apartment and crying. This was the loneliest I had ever felt in my life. I felt very frustrated that I had not achieved the goals that I had set even after six years in Germany. My determination to do everything I could to make progress, especially in my studies, was stronger than ever. 2008: Feeling a sense of normalcy and then not After all the setbacks I had experienced, I finally felt I was making progress, but then I hit another bump in the road. I failed a class that made me have to change the course I was studying for the third time. With the learnings I gathered from the other pivots I made in my life, I could make a quick change and continue studying. 2009: Running to the finish line Although I had to change my course again, this time was different; I could finally see the finish line. I had gathered enough class credits through the years and only needed a few classes to complete my degree. I am very grateful to the people who gave me the chance to complete an internship at a bank and an airline. My time there solidified my career path as a project and program manager. And to add a cherry on the top, I started a long-distance relationship with my husband. 2010: Graduating from university and earning my first degree After nine years of being in Germany and seven years of studying, I finally graduated with a Bachelors degree in Business Information systems. It was a huge milestone and an achievement that I worked very hard for. After I graduated, I started my first full-time job as a project manager in a mobile agency. 2011: Experiencing my first medical challenge and becoming an aunt For all my adolescent and young adult life, I experienced extreme pain during my menstrual cycles. And about 15 years later, I had to be operated on to remove multiple large fibroids. Even 11 years later, I still remember the horror on my doctor's face when she did the scans and immediately referred me to the University hospital for the operation within a week. Interestingly, one of the happiest moments in my life also happened at the time. My twin sister gave birth to my niece 11 days after my operation. In addition, my relationship was going strong, and I got to visit my now husband in the US for the first time. 2012: Planting the seed for my career growth I decided to start my Masters while I worked full-time because I knew it would help me progress in my career. I was not in the financial place to pay full for my course, and I remember calling a friend to lend a part of my first tuition payment. I saved up for my upcoming payments and was able to pay my fees in full from then on. I really prioritized studying while I worked full time and made a lot of great progress. 2013: Finishing my masters degree The sense of fulfillment I had when I completed my 2nd degree in record time cannot be described in words. Especially with the difficulty I faced with my first degree, it was huge to be able to get my new degree while I worked full-time successfully. I had accomplished another professional goal that I set for myself. 2014: Enjoying life and planning a new start I got to go on vacation with my now husband; we spent time in Florida and on a cruise to the Bahamas. This was my first real vacation that was not centered around visiting family. I remember going back to Germany and feeling like the time had come for me to embark on my next huge adventure and move to another country. 2015: Moving to the US I jumped on the opportunity to relocate to the US with the company I was working for then. This was one of the scariest moves I made and one that totally changed my life's trajectory for the best. I moved to the US in February 2015 and started my new life. Leaving Germany was harder than I thought after 14 years. 2016: Finding my footing in the US Settling into my new home went very well. Having my husband, who had already mastered living in the US as an immigrant many years before me, made things easier for me. I focused on growing my career by investing in learning with classes at UC Berkeley and working with a career coach. It was clear to me that I had to learn other skills to thrive professionally in the US. 2017: Living my best life After two years of living in the US, I was enjoying life both personally and professionally. I had the opportunity to take on a significant task at work that changed my career trajectory. Leading a Program Management Office (PMO) exposed me to people I typically would not have gotten to work with, and it also helped me develop new skills. 2018: Returning to Nigeria and Germany I got to go back to Nigeria after 12 years after my last visit in 2006. We got to see family in Nigeria for a wedding and then go back to Germany for another. Going back to visit my two home countries helped me see how far I had come since I left them. Spending time with family after so many years was so much fun. I knew it was time for me to transition from my job to a new job and intensified my search. One of the challenges I had to navigate as an Immigrant working in the US was the dependency on my work visa. Things came together, and I started a new job at a great company. 2019: Trying to balance my success With great success in my personal and professional life, I struggled with health issues while trying to find my place at a new company. One thing I had learned from the 18 years of living abroad was that I had to be in a place where my contribution was valued, and I could grow. Barely six months into being at this new company, I started looking for a new role. About another five months later, I found a position that aligned with my life's mission, and things started falling into place. 2020: Becoming a mother Interestingly, 2020 was one of the most chaotic years in many of our lives. I found out I was pregnant in early March when the world started falling apart with the global pandemic. In October, our son was born, and my life changed forever. My journey to motherhood was smoother than I expected. I thought it would be more complicated due to the health challenges I had experienced nine years earlier. I am more than thankful for the opportunity to raise our son. 2021: Integrating motherhood and my career When I got back from my maternity leave in February 2021, I was on fire. My desire to be a great mom and have a successful career was strong. I was doing a job that I enjoyed and was determined to continue growing. I had to learn how to integrate being a mother and thriving professionally. There were many ups and downs on the way. Thankfully the ups outweighed the downs. 2022: Living my best life In my 21st year of living abroad, I am at a place where everything has come together nicely in my personal and professional life. There are still lessons that I learn and situations that I do not expect. However, I know that this is where I am destined to be. I have a great family, an amazing job, a sense of purpose, and amazing people around me. Final Thoughts Reflecting on my journey over the 21 years makes me very proud and appreciative of how far I have come. There have been many complex challenges that I faced and so many great moments that I have experienced. I am very excited to see what other countries I get to live in and where I will be in another 21 years. Pictures speak louder than words - 21 years of my life  |
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