Are you ready to unlearn things And Live your Best Life?

On our life journey, we need to unlearn things to make way for us to learn other things and live our best lives. Some beliefs, 
mindsets, and behaviors we learned in our formative years no longer serve us well and need to be unlearned. Holding on to them can hinder your growth and the quality of life.
 
In this blog post, I will share the ten things I had to unlearn to thrive and be happy.
 
#1: Thinking a "suffering" mother is a good mother
Over the past two years, as I have discovered who I am as a mother, I have become more aware of the picture of motherhood I grew up with. The expectation of a mother was that she would do everything to meet everyone's needs. However, I could not meet my imagined standards in my current phase. My life is very different; I live far away from my family, so I don't have my village to support me. I had to let go of the vision of a perfect mother and be the best mother I could be to our son, even if it looked different.
 
Strategies to consider

• Redefine what good or great looks like for you in your situation
• Let go of expectations that are holding you hostage

 
#2: Focusing on my weaknesses vs. strengths
There is that thought that you have to keep working on getting rid of your weaknesses. We were taught to believe we were not good enough and needed to keep aspiring to improve. I remember growing up hearing all the things people thought I did not do well and asking me to work on them. There were hardly any conversations about what I did well. About seven years ago, when I moved to the US, there was a shift in my thinking. I started celebrating my strengths and creating opportunities to leverage them.
  
Strategies to consider

• Discover your strengths
• Use the strengths that you have and develop them

 
#3: Doubting my intuition and thinking others know more than me
From my upbringing, I observed people seeking advice, validation, and expertise from others. I firmly believe that we have intuition to guide our decisions. Unlearning having to go to others before I made decisions helped me make decisions that were more aligned with my values and the direction I want my life to go in.
 
Strategies to consider

• Start trusting your gut and intuition more 
• Make decisions that align with your goals

 
#4: Thinking that learning ends
Growing up, when learning was discussed, it was mostly striving to get a degree and then be done with it. The concept of continuous learning was a little foreign. I always yearned to learn new skills even after getting my degrees. I had to unlearn the thinking that there is an end to learning. Being a lifelong learner has really set me up for success.
 
Strategies to consider

• Have a growth mindset
• Make time to learn something new

 
#5: Doubting that I can build wealth
Conversations around finances were tense when I was growing up. We always worried about money and could not make ends meet. For the longest time, I believed that being financially independent was out of my reach. I had to change my relationship with money and learn ways to improve my financial status.
 
Strategies to consider

• Believe that you can build wealth
• Take steps to create a positive relationship with money

 
#6: Asking for what I want or deserve
It takes a lot of time to discover yourself and know what you want. Then it takes a lot of courage to ask for what you want and deserve. I thought you were annoying if you had expectations and voiced them. Especially in a professional setting, I kept seeing people get things they asked for while I wasn't. Negotiating for my salary or benefits at work was something I did not know how to do, and I felt resentment when what was offered was less than what I wanted. I quickly had to unlearn being uncomfortable asking for what I wanted and learn great negotiation skills.
 
Strategies to consider

• Discover what you want in your personal and professional life
• Make your demands known

 
#7: Refusing to ask for help
I grew up thinking that needing help was a sign of weakness. It took me a very long time to reframe my thinking and learn that I needed to ask for help. My turning point was going through months of feeling overwhelmed and not seeing a way out. I now know that people around me are ready to jump in and support me when I ask for help.
 
Strategies to consider

• Know the signs for when it's time to ask for help
• Ask for and accept the help you get

 
#8: Being hesitant to share my feelings and struggles with people
Growing up in a culture where we were taught only to say good things and that bad things happen because we confessed them influenced me heavily. I did everything possible to hide the pain and discomfort I was feeling, even from people close to me, because I thought that was the right thing to do. Keeping all the emotions bottled up was not good for my mental and physical health. Being able to have honest conversations and be vulnerable with my community has helped me tremendously.
 
Strategies to consider

• Confide in people you trust
• Accept the discomfort of being vulnerable

 
#9: Not talking about my accomplishments
When I was growing up, you were perceived as proud if you spoke about your accomplishments. In Nigeria, people thought you should wait for others to talk about you, and in Germany, it was that your work would speak for itself. While that way of thinking works in places where people know you or you have a reputation, it does not work in new environments where no one knows you, and you have to win over their trust very quickly. That was exactly my experience when I moved to the US and had a very short time establishing myself and my brand. I had to unlearn all my thinking about talking about my accomplishments and find a way that felt natural to me.
 
Strategies to consider

• Share your accomplishments
• Celebrate your accomplishments

 
#10: Avoiding planning the future
Shortsighted living makes you miss many opportunities. It was not common to see people who shared their dreams, aspirations, and goals. It seemed like people were afraid of the future and decided not to focus on it. I had the learn to plan for the future and be flexible to make changes as life takes its course. I am hopeful and no longer afraid when I think of the future.
 
Strategies to consider

• Plan for the future and adapt your plan as you progress on your journey
• Allow yourself to dream and be hopeful

 
Final Thoughts
It is awesome that we have the ability to unlearn and learn new things in all phases of our lives. I am certain that my list of things that I am unlearning will grow and change as I progress on my journey.
 
Call to Action
What are three things that you have unlearned?
What are three things that you want to unlearn?